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megwritesI think a numerical list with headings will help here. Goodness knows I could use better organization.
1. A Statement Of Purpose. I know that there a lot of you out there who are probably going, "Yeesh, why is she still talking about this? I wish she'd get back to talking about other things." I know there are some who are probably frustrated with my continued posting on this topic, because it's uncomfortable. If you need to de-friend me for it, go ahead. I won't take it personal, or a sign of anything but that you find my thoughts on this topic annoying.
But know that this isn't going away. So, make decisions accordingly.
I'm uncomfortable, too, if that helps. But I figure if I'm willing to hold my bladder through the last half of Quantum of Solace because I think Daniel Craig is so scrumptious that I feel I have a near-religious calling not to miss a moment of his hotitude, then I have no excuse for shutting up blogging because my poor lily white sensibilities have been shaken up. I've gone through some bizarrely devoted lengths for my fandom. I've probably blogged a million words on my fannish journal about other things, and it would just be wrong of me not to at least do a little discomforting of myself for this cause, when it's something that desperately needs talking about and fixing.
Just to note: I am still so very wary of wading into this pond, so to speak. My natural instinct is to shut up and keep reading links and listening, because I do not feel myself either equipped or adequate to the task of addressing such an important issue, one that has real and powerful consequences that I'll never have to feel.
How crummy is that? I, a person who regularly does screw up due to being stupid, silly, and sometimes just outright clumsy, could do something stupid that ends up hurting lots of people, but not me because I magically got tapped with the Privilege Wand. It's like having a gun you can use to shoot anyone but yourself. It either turns you into a sociopathic killer or a person who doesn't use guns anymore, I guess.
I suppose I should start by saying that I don't speak for myself, and I in no way should be taken as an authority. I think if you want to get the story of what's going on, and want to learn, go check![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rydra_wong and her linkspams.
2. Positive Action You Too Can Take. Hey, guess what, kids, here's a chance to do something good!
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verb_noire is heating up! I encourage you to friend the community and keep up with it.
For those not in the know, let me fill you in. Verb Noire is a press that is going to be dedicated to stories about and by, as they say in the community info, "celebrate the works of talented, underrepresented authors and deliver them to a readership that demands more."
They've raised their initial money for start up, but as anyone who's ever worked at any press or publishing company knows, there are always more costs besides start up. So don't stop now! Keep going! If you've got a dollar or two, chuck it in the hat. It'll be going to a good cause.
50books_poc remains a Great Idea. If only because I now don't have harass anyone for recommendations for books by/about CoC's. Just thought I'd throw that out there, in case any of you haven't heard the word.
I did mention the The Octavia Butler Scholarship to send writers of color to one of the Clarion workshops. Clarion is a big deal in the SF/F world, and sending writers of color there to learn, hone their craft, and grow as writers and professionals is very much a substantive step towards making SF/F all it can and should be.
Also, it's something those of us who, like me, are unpublished hacks who have nothing but rough drafts and rougher dreams and have no professional influence this is something we can do even though we're not in a position to make editors select more stories/novels from/about PoC.
3. Re: Elizabeth Bear - Yes, I've read her second apology. I want to believe that she means this with a good heart. It'd be nice if I could, in good conscience, actually read those books of hers I still haven't gotten around to without feeling guilty.
I think her apology was like taking a half step in the right direction after taking a bullet train going 100mph in the wrong direction. So, she's off the platform. That's good, I suppose, but not really much in the way of proof.
I think her apology was insufficient, however heartfelt and genuine it might or might not have been. I have no way to know. I don't know the woman.
I will say I've learned a lesson from this whole thing:
Never underestimate the power of humility and simple statements. Never underestimate the power of a complete and unconditional apology. And never underestimate the damage that can be done by a bad and disingenuous apology. In fact, I would submit that it's worse than not apologizing at all.
In fact, I think I may (for own purposes, I do not expect anyone to think anything I say is a good idea) construct a formula for a good apology.
Step One: Really mean it. If you blow this step, the others don't matter. Because if you blow this step, you're just pissing in people's pockets and telling them it's raining, which not only insults their intelligence, but means that you're doubling the hurt you deal them and turning yourself into a dishonest person. As Lewis Black said (on a whole other topic), this is a "Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire Situation". And as we've all seen from this discussion, your pants being on fire means you will soon have no pants and you need pants. Sweet gracious, but you need some pants. Thick pants. Pants with padlocks.
Step Two: Address, directly, the people you have hurt. Address them with respect and humility, and acknowledge their hurt, anger, and reactions as valid, reasonable, appropriate, and deserved.
Step Three: Enumerate, completely and as specifically as you can, the things you did wrong. Own it all. Hold back nothing. Offer no defenses. Hedge no bets. Pull no punches. Skipping this step will invalidate all the others.
Step Four: List any steps you will take, if any can be taken, to rectify the wrong.
Step Five: List any steps you will take to stop this from reoccurring in the future.
Step Six: Communicate your willingness to listen.
Step Seven: Shut up and listen.
Step Eight: Follow through in your actions and words with the things you listed in your apology. Like step number one, if you blow step number eight, the others don't matter.
When apologizing, I think it's important to enumerate, or at least mention, the thing one did wrong. Not for purposes of public flagellation or for those you're apologizing to really gloat and rub it in - but to communicate to the people you're trying to reconcile with, the people who only have evidence to contrary, that you can be trusted.
I used to hate when my parents and/or teachers would grab my jaw, make me look them in the eye and say, "Do you understand what you did wrong?". I hated having to say it. I wanted to scream, at the time (minus most of the cursing), "Jesus on bike, I get it. I fucked up and you gave my ass ten licks and a nice vacation in the corner. I did what you fucking well wanted, can we just be done with this already. My backside hurts and I've already missed Power Rangers. What else do you want from me?!?!"
But now, as an adult, I realize that the person (teacher, parent, etc) couldn't read my mind. Especially since, as a kid, I was a master of the angry, pouty, "Fuck you and your wooden paddle, it didn't hurt!" look. So for all they knew, I had just sat in the corner and gotten a red rear end and was a) unaware of why, which would mean that I just got taught that sometimes adults hit you when they're mad for whatever reason (which is bad to teach a kid, FYI) and b) was planning to repeat that action again, forcing the punishment (which was not, as I learned later in life, pleasant for the teacher/parent/authority figure either).
And that second one was the important one. When you enumerate what you've done wrong, it's almost as powerful as the words "I'm sorry".
It means you're telling the person that you're apologizing to that you know what it is you did wrong, and if you know what you did wrong, you know what not to do again if you're truly planning to make amends and be better.
It also indicates that reconciliation is possible because now there is a common ground, common terms, clear communication, and understanding.
Which is not to say that it isn't sort of the opposite of fun for the person apologizing, and apologies are hard to do right. They're like souffles. It's easy to say you want to make one, but so hard to get it to stand up. Most of the time, they collapse under their own weight. Or the weight of the giver's complete insincerity.
I cannot say, from what I've read in posts and comments Bear has made (which is the only information I have access to)
I gather that Elizabeth Bear is in the middle of some real life things (moving, from what I gather, which I think counts as one of the Seven Major Traumas), and part of me wants to make that a reason to let her slide. To say to others, "But, she was really nice and apologized". But I also realize that when someone slaps you in the face, the last thing you want to hear after them giving you an incomplete apology is someone who claims to be on your side saying, "Oh, let it slide, they're in the middle of moving."
Especially not after that supposed-to-be-your-ally person has made it clear that they see the bruises on your face from said slap.
So, I'm not going to encourage anyone to give Elizabeth Bear a free pass because of her real life issues. I mean, sheesh, it's not like the folks she's apologizing to didn't have their real life issues while this was going on. It's not like they don't have their jobs, their families, their health issues, their economic woes (just like everyone else), their personal dramas. It's not like they haven't always had those, and they don't get an easy time of it. It's not like they weren't busy as hell with a million things they needed to get done.
All I can say is that, given the incomplete nature of the apology, I'm going to wait and see, but that I won't expect anyone to extend her any further benefit of the doubt or good faith.
I hope she gets better. I know that seeing better behavior and attitudes from her in the future will be a very good sign, and a signal to others that perhaps there is hope. That the people who are hurting them can change, that things aren't hopeless.
I also know that if she doesn't get better, if she gets worse, then damn it's gonna be bad. Because it will be just further proof that the people who are doing these things refuse to change, and that refusal is willful and knowing.
So, if you are listening out there, Elizabeth Bear: Don't screw it up. Not for my sake, but for the sake of the people, the many many people, more than who have commented or posted, the uncounted, unheard folks who are watching and making decisions based on what happens here. The ones who are deciding whether or not they can go to that con, or whether they'll even bother submitting that manuscript, or visiting that website, or reading that blog, or joining that discussion.
You can be better, you can do better. I believe this firmly. I think the widespread disappointment in you springs from that very place. You're capable of so freaking much, and this? Is beneath you, frankly.
I read Ink & Steel, and it was fucking brilliant for all the other problems in the Promethean Age books. If someone can write Shakespeare in such a way as to make me forget he's Shakespeare and make me think of him as Will, as just Will, as just a man who sort of broke my heart - that person can see depths, that person can navigate complex ethics and moralities.
That person can do better.
If you do better (not just talk better, but do better), you will make things better. Better for the people who have stones on their chest, for the people who didn't dream of dragons, for the people who deserve better and have deserved it for a long time.
4. Things I Am Tired Of. I am tired of people who personalize this fight, who think that they shouldn't be accountable for the actions of the group they're part of (ie, White People), when PoC's have been accountable for the actions of each other in the eyes of white folks for, well, for damn near ever.
PoC's have understood for a long time that you cannot divorce yourself from the groups you belong to. Not to speak for PoC's because that would be wrong and stupid of me, but it seems apparent to me, from what I've read, that PoC's know they're being put into groups, no matter how individual they are as people. I also know that as a white person? I have a tendency to do the same thing, to group PoC's together, to see both the individual and the group simultaneously. I need to work on that, because that's skanky of me.
And just like I can't divorce myself from women, from the GLBT community. The minute I'm identified as female, as queer, I'm tied to them, come the hell, the high water, and everything else - so white folks need to learn that they can't divorce themselves from whiteness, it's definitions, it's actions, and it's place in our thinking.
I'm tired of the "so you're saying white = automatically evil?!?!?!" reaction. Uh, no. Nobody on the anti-racism side has ever said that. I haven't found one single link to prove they have. I've seen a lot of white folks who THINK that's being said, who misconstrue things or just plain old don't pay close attention.
I'm tired of people not getting that this is not just an exercise in individual actions, but an exercise is group actions, group intentions, and groups in general. Yes, that means white folks have to own that White People As A Group are doing some obnoxious things even if they, individually, are trying their best. And that's not about getting down and crawling at the feet of PoC's and saying "oh, I'm sorry for being evil just for being white". It's owning that you have influence among your friends and peers. It's owning that yes, as a group, white people have been racist and had privilege and this has shaped you, whether you liked it or not.
I used this in comments else where, but you know that scene in Finding Nemo, at the end, where Dori and Nemo are trapped in the net?
That's sort of how this entire argument and RaceFail itself has gone down in negative ways. Because the thing is? None of the fish individually were stupid. Each one of them very smartly recognized that they were in a net, and that they needed to get out of the net. Just like I think most white folks recognize that racism is bad and we need to change that.
But, the fish collectively were being stupid, clusterfucking, and unhelpful. They were all flailing as individuals, thinking only of themselves, making the entire thing about them, their feelings, their panic - and not paying attention to what the other fish were doing and what was going on around them.
And, as a result, the fish (collectively) were failing. Because they were all failing in little ways that were going to add up to be a big scene of Fishy Death and Slaughter.
But then, Nemo and Dori started shouting, "Swim down! Swim down!" and "Just keep swimming" and all the fish did that and lo and behold, the net broke.
So, that's kind of what white people need to do. Stop flailing and start telling other white people to stop flailing and start swimming in the right direction. That's how, if this thing is going to be done, it'll happen.
5. Terms of Use. I wish we had a better term than "People of Color". I don't like the implication that white isn't a color. I don't like the idea of white as a baseline, as a state of normalcy and of everything as a perversion thereof.
I don't like the idea of saying "non-white" either, because it still makes the entire world and the discussion of race revolve around white people.
I'm also really uncomfortable that PoC encompasses all the people who aren't white. And that's a big damn group. I'm really not okay with the idea that sometimes, in these discussions, somehow, Black = Latino = Hispanic = Asian = Native American = First Nations = Anyone not white. When in real life, that is not far from the truth you can't even see it from orbit.
What also bothers me is when white people do the inverse. When they list their various heritages like it could possibly mean anything.
I've heard so many folks say, "I'm not white. I'm Swedish, Latvian, Ukrainian, Scottish, Irish, etc...". I've also heard some white folks count Native American among their heritages (and you can see my feelings about that here.
And it makes me want to scream. Because it became apparent to me a long time ago how obnoxious and wrongheaded the idea that any of your heritages means anything when you're white (at least in America).
That's the thing about whiteness in American society. It whitewashes everything. Even white people. You can be as Swedish or Ukrainian or Scottish as you like in your head, in your family, but when it comes to check the boxes on government forms, when it comes time for society to decide how to treat you, what privileges to give or withhold, you're white. White and nothing else. When people look at you, they'll only see white. Whitewashed, whiteout. That's what that is.
There's a larger problem at work, and that's the problem with having the idea of "white" at all, and awarding the status of "white" to people who are a certain skin color or background. I find it very telling of American culture that we (or at least white people) are so eager to base our assertions of race on looks, on something that cannot be readily hidden. I think that might go a long way to explaining the very bad "tragic mulatto" tropes in literature.
We need to destroy the idea of whiteness. Not the people who call themselves white, mind you. The people need to exist, the language and thought patterns need to change. We need to create a new identity for us pink-beige-European-descended types here in America. It needs to be an identity which does not grant us anymore respect or status than anyone else. Because when we have that, when we have a way for us to be the people we are, instead of one big, privileged, homogeneous group of people who are just *white*, then it'll mean something when you say to someone, "I'm Russian and Norwegian and British and..."
Until then, and as things stand, it doesn't mean anything. Those words are just empty words, those heritages are meaningless. You're cut off from them. Because that's whiteness. That's dominance. You can be white, but you can't be anything else. Not until you divest yourself of it.
Also? I just figured out why the term "Melting Pot" always struck me as wrong. The thing about melting pots is that when you melt things together, the idea isn't to have diversity, it's to boil everything down until it's all one thing. Like, when you're making bronze. Sure, you have different kind of metals in there, but the end result is to force them to become something else, to become bronze, to lend properties to the new metal while surrendering themselves. The tin and copper aren't really there any more, not in meaningful units by themselves. They're all bronze.
That might sound like a good thing to some people, like it would be good if we all melted together so we could all be the same. But to my mind, when people think of this as a positive, of trying to melt all the different parts of America together to get one canonical kind of American, it really sounds like is "why don't we just make everyone white?"
It sounds like, maybe, a suggestion where whoever is the dominant flavor in America will force everyone to become like them, to acculturate to them, and maybe they'll pick up a few words or new foods or music they like - but only if the other parties involved agree to surrender every other part of their identity.
I'd like it more of we were a, I dunno, salad. Because at least with a salad the idea is not to come out with one homogenous substance, but to have all the different components working together while maintaining their individual flavors. The carrots stay carrots. The lettuce stays lettuce. The cheese stays cheese. But the they all blend together and get a really good flavor going. You get a salad. And with the best ones, it's all mixed up.
Of course, even that metaphor is problematic, but it sounds better to me than Melting Pot.
Yet another reason that walking away from this discussion is a bad idea for us white folks. Because this racism thing is going to come around to bite us in the ass if we don't stop it.
If for no other reason than we need to redefine our thought processes culturally, without dominance structured in. Sometimes I wonder if that's the root fear of Defensive Clueless White People. I know, certainly for me, were and still times when that's something I wonder about.
I think for some DCWP's, the problem is that they believe that if they divest of privilege, someone else will pick it up. And suddenly they'll be in the same position PoC's have been in for fucking decades. I suppose to their mind there must be some thought that if it's got to be someone who gets privilege, it might as well be them and not the other guys/gals.
I don't think that some of the DCWP's get that the way to guarantee something like that is to KEEP ignoring the discussions about race, is to keep running back to their comfort zones in the short term, to keep doing the easy thing.
Thing is? If we manage to lick this racism thing, if we manage to teach ourselves to exist without dominance based on race (or gender, or sexuality, or religion, or anything else), to allow for a real kind of equality, to give everyone their fair share culturally, then it won't be a problem. Because instead of it always being one group dominating another (and all of us have some privilege and some unprivileged categories, so we're all on both sides of the dominance structures), we'll learn another way to exist. A better way.
But if we keep stalling these arguments, we're just ensuring more vicious cycles. The way I see, delaying and derailing the talks about racism, cultural appropriation, and dominance in culture are like the way in which religious institutions in the West used to delay advancements in astronomy. Once that stopped, once we learned how to give science and religion their space, we walked on the moon
I'd love to walk on that moon. The one where we've finally figured out how to live without stepping on each other's necks, without pushing each other away when we could benefit more if we'd just learn to respect spaces and give respect. Can you imagine if we didn't have to fight anymore? What we'd have time to create, what monumental things we could accomplish? We could build and grow and think and have. We could have so much.
So that's five things. And as always, I ask respect and thoughtfulness in replying, and No Cookies Allowed (we've talked about this. I'm on a cookie-free diet). And also, as always, my ears are keen, I'm listening.
I might not be able to get around to responding to comments as quickly this week because I'm going to be a very busy little person. So if your comment sits there a while, unanswered, just be patient with me, okay?
1. A Statement Of Purpose. I know that there a lot of you out there who are probably going, "Yeesh, why is she still talking about this? I wish she'd get back to talking about other things." I know there are some who are probably frustrated with my continued posting on this topic, because it's uncomfortable. If you need to de-friend me for it, go ahead. I won't take it personal, or a sign of anything but that you find my thoughts on this topic annoying.
But know that this isn't going away. So, make decisions accordingly.
I'm uncomfortable, too, if that helps. But I figure if I'm willing to hold my bladder through the last half of Quantum of Solace because I think Daniel Craig is so scrumptious that I feel I have a near-religious calling not to miss a moment of his hotitude, then I have no excuse for shutting up blogging because my poor lily white sensibilities have been shaken up. I've gone through some bizarrely devoted lengths for my fandom. I've probably blogged a million words on my fannish journal about other things, and it would just be wrong of me not to at least do a little discomforting of myself for this cause, when it's something that desperately needs talking about and fixing.
Just to note: I am still so very wary of wading into this pond, so to speak. My natural instinct is to shut up and keep reading links and listening, because I do not feel myself either equipped or adequate to the task of addressing such an important issue, one that has real and powerful consequences that I'll never have to feel.
How crummy is that? I, a person who regularly does screw up due to being stupid, silly, and sometimes just outright clumsy, could do something stupid that ends up hurting lots of people, but not me because I magically got tapped with the Privilege Wand. It's like having a gun you can use to shoot anyone but yourself. It either turns you into a sociopathic killer or a person who doesn't use guns anymore, I guess.
I suppose I should start by saying that I don't speak for myself, and I in no way should be taken as an authority. I think if you want to get the story of what's going on, and want to learn, go check
rydra_wong and her linkspams.2. Positive Action You Too Can Take. Hey, guess what, kids, here's a chance to do something good!
verb_noire is heating up! I encourage you to friend the community and keep up with it. For those not in the know, let me fill you in. Verb Noire is a press that is going to be dedicated to stories about and by, as they say in the community info, "celebrate the works of talented, underrepresented authors and deliver them to a readership that demands more."
They've raised their initial money for start up, but as anyone who's ever worked at any press or publishing company knows, there are always more costs besides start up. So don't stop now! Keep going! If you've got a dollar or two, chuck it in the hat. It'll be going to a good cause.
50books_poc remains a Great Idea. If only because I now don't have harass anyone for recommendations for books by/about CoC's. Just thought I'd throw that out there, in case any of you haven't heard the word.I did mention the The Octavia Butler Scholarship to send writers of color to one of the Clarion workshops. Clarion is a big deal in the SF/F world, and sending writers of color there to learn, hone their craft, and grow as writers and professionals is very much a substantive step towards making SF/F all it can and should be.
Also, it's something those of us who, like me, are unpublished hacks who have nothing but rough drafts and rougher dreams and have no professional influence this is something we can do even though we're not in a position to make editors select more stories/novels from/about PoC.
3. Re: Elizabeth Bear - Yes, I've read her second apology. I want to believe that she means this with a good heart. It'd be nice if I could, in good conscience, actually read those books of hers I still haven't gotten around to without feeling guilty.
I think her apology was like taking a half step in the right direction after taking a bullet train going 100mph in the wrong direction. So, she's off the platform. That's good, I suppose, but not really much in the way of proof.
I think her apology was insufficient, however heartfelt and genuine it might or might not have been. I have no way to know. I don't know the woman.
I will say I've learned a lesson from this whole thing:
Never underestimate the power of humility and simple statements. Never underestimate the power of a complete and unconditional apology. And never underestimate the damage that can be done by a bad and disingenuous apology. In fact, I would submit that it's worse than not apologizing at all.
In fact, I think I may (for own purposes, I do not expect anyone to think anything I say is a good idea) construct a formula for a good apology.
Step One: Really mean it. If you blow this step, the others don't matter. Because if you blow this step, you're just pissing in people's pockets and telling them it's raining, which not only insults their intelligence, but means that you're doubling the hurt you deal them and turning yourself into a dishonest person. As Lewis Black said (on a whole other topic), this is a "Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire Situation". And as we've all seen from this discussion, your pants being on fire means you will soon have no pants and you need pants. Sweet gracious, but you need some pants. Thick pants. Pants with padlocks.
Step Two: Address, directly, the people you have hurt. Address them with respect and humility, and acknowledge their hurt, anger, and reactions as valid, reasonable, appropriate, and deserved.
Step Three: Enumerate, completely and as specifically as you can, the things you did wrong. Own it all. Hold back nothing. Offer no defenses. Hedge no bets. Pull no punches. Skipping this step will invalidate all the others.
Step Four: List any steps you will take, if any can be taken, to rectify the wrong.
Step Five: List any steps you will take to stop this from reoccurring in the future.
Step Six: Communicate your willingness to listen.
Step Seven: Shut up and listen.
Step Eight: Follow through in your actions and words with the things you listed in your apology. Like step number one, if you blow step number eight, the others don't matter.
When apologizing, I think it's important to enumerate, or at least mention, the thing one did wrong. Not for purposes of public flagellation or for those you're apologizing to really gloat and rub it in - but to communicate to the people you're trying to reconcile with, the people who only have evidence to contrary, that you can be trusted.
I used to hate when my parents and/or teachers would grab my jaw, make me look them in the eye and say, "Do you understand what you did wrong?". I hated having to say it. I wanted to scream, at the time (minus most of the cursing), "Jesus on bike, I get it. I fucked up and you gave my ass ten licks and a nice vacation in the corner. I did what you fucking well wanted, can we just be done with this already. My backside hurts and I've already missed Power Rangers. What else do you want from me?!?!"
But now, as an adult, I realize that the person (teacher, parent, etc) couldn't read my mind. Especially since, as a kid, I was a master of the angry, pouty, "Fuck you and your wooden paddle, it didn't hurt!" look. So for all they knew, I had just sat in the corner and gotten a red rear end and was a) unaware of why, which would mean that I just got taught that sometimes adults hit you when they're mad for whatever reason (which is bad to teach a kid, FYI) and b) was planning to repeat that action again, forcing the punishment (which was not, as I learned later in life, pleasant for the teacher/parent/authority figure either).
And that second one was the important one. When you enumerate what you've done wrong, it's almost as powerful as the words "I'm sorry".
It means you're telling the person that you're apologizing to that you know what it is you did wrong, and if you know what you did wrong, you know what not to do again if you're truly planning to make amends and be better.
It also indicates that reconciliation is possible because now there is a common ground, common terms, clear communication, and understanding.
Which is not to say that it isn't sort of the opposite of fun for the person apologizing, and apologies are hard to do right. They're like souffles. It's easy to say you want to make one, but so hard to get it to stand up. Most of the time, they collapse under their own weight. Or the weight of the giver's complete insincerity.
I cannot say, from what I've read in posts and comments Bear has made (which is the only information I have access to)
I gather that Elizabeth Bear is in the middle of some real life things (moving, from what I gather, which I think counts as one of the Seven Major Traumas), and part of me wants to make that a reason to let her slide. To say to others, "But, she was really nice and apologized". But I also realize that when someone slaps you in the face, the last thing you want to hear after them giving you an incomplete apology is someone who claims to be on your side saying, "Oh, let it slide, they're in the middle of moving."
Especially not after that supposed-to-be-your-ally person has made it clear that they see the bruises on your face from said slap.
So, I'm not going to encourage anyone to give Elizabeth Bear a free pass because of her real life issues. I mean, sheesh, it's not like the folks she's apologizing to didn't have their real life issues while this was going on. It's not like they don't have their jobs, their families, their health issues, their economic woes (just like everyone else), their personal dramas. It's not like they haven't always had those, and they don't get an easy time of it. It's not like they weren't busy as hell with a million things they needed to get done.
All I can say is that, given the incomplete nature of the apology, I'm going to wait and see, but that I won't expect anyone to extend her any further benefit of the doubt or good faith.
I hope she gets better. I know that seeing better behavior and attitudes from her in the future will be a very good sign, and a signal to others that perhaps there is hope. That the people who are hurting them can change, that things aren't hopeless.
I also know that if she doesn't get better, if she gets worse, then damn it's gonna be bad. Because it will be just further proof that the people who are doing these things refuse to change, and that refusal is willful and knowing.
So, if you are listening out there, Elizabeth Bear: Don't screw it up. Not for my sake, but for the sake of the people, the many many people, more than who have commented or posted, the uncounted, unheard folks who are watching and making decisions based on what happens here. The ones who are deciding whether or not they can go to that con, or whether they'll even bother submitting that manuscript, or visiting that website, or reading that blog, or joining that discussion.
You can be better, you can do better. I believe this firmly. I think the widespread disappointment in you springs from that very place. You're capable of so freaking much, and this? Is beneath you, frankly.
I read Ink & Steel, and it was fucking brilliant for all the other problems in the Promethean Age books. If someone can write Shakespeare in such a way as to make me forget he's Shakespeare and make me think of him as Will, as just Will, as just a man who sort of broke my heart - that person can see depths, that person can navigate complex ethics and moralities.
That person can do better.
If you do better (not just talk better, but do better), you will make things better. Better for the people who have stones on their chest, for the people who didn't dream of dragons, for the people who deserve better and have deserved it for a long time.
4. Things I Am Tired Of. I am tired of people who personalize this fight, who think that they shouldn't be accountable for the actions of the group they're part of (ie, White People), when PoC's have been accountable for the actions of each other in the eyes of white folks for, well, for damn near ever.
PoC's have understood for a long time that you cannot divorce yourself from the groups you belong to. Not to speak for PoC's because that would be wrong and stupid of me, but it seems apparent to me, from what I've read, that PoC's know they're being put into groups, no matter how individual they are as people. I also know that as a white person? I have a tendency to do the same thing, to group PoC's together, to see both the individual and the group simultaneously. I need to work on that, because that's skanky of me.
And just like I can't divorce myself from women, from the GLBT community. The minute I'm identified as female, as queer, I'm tied to them, come the hell, the high water, and everything else - so white folks need to learn that they can't divorce themselves from whiteness, it's definitions, it's actions, and it's place in our thinking.
I'm tired of the "so you're saying white = automatically evil?!?!?!" reaction. Uh, no. Nobody on the anti-racism side has ever said that. I haven't found one single link to prove they have. I've seen a lot of white folks who THINK that's being said, who misconstrue things or just plain old don't pay close attention.
I'm tired of people not getting that this is not just an exercise in individual actions, but an exercise is group actions, group intentions, and groups in general. Yes, that means white folks have to own that White People As A Group are doing some obnoxious things even if they, individually, are trying their best. And that's not about getting down and crawling at the feet of PoC's and saying "oh, I'm sorry for being evil just for being white". It's owning that you have influence among your friends and peers. It's owning that yes, as a group, white people have been racist and had privilege and this has shaped you, whether you liked it or not.
I used this in comments else where, but you know that scene in Finding Nemo, at the end, where Dori and Nemo are trapped in the net?
That's sort of how this entire argument and RaceFail itself has gone down in negative ways. Because the thing is? None of the fish individually were stupid. Each one of them very smartly recognized that they were in a net, and that they needed to get out of the net. Just like I think most white folks recognize that racism is bad and we need to change that.
But, the fish collectively were being stupid, clusterfucking, and unhelpful. They were all flailing as individuals, thinking only of themselves, making the entire thing about them, their feelings, their panic - and not paying attention to what the other fish were doing and what was going on around them.
And, as a result, the fish (collectively) were failing. Because they were all failing in little ways that were going to add up to be a big scene of Fishy Death and Slaughter.
But then, Nemo and Dori started shouting, "Swim down! Swim down!" and "Just keep swimming" and all the fish did that and lo and behold, the net broke.
So, that's kind of what white people need to do. Stop flailing and start telling other white people to stop flailing and start swimming in the right direction. That's how, if this thing is going to be done, it'll happen.
5. Terms of Use. I wish we had a better term than "People of Color". I don't like the implication that white isn't a color. I don't like the idea of white as a baseline, as a state of normalcy and of everything as a perversion thereof.
I don't like the idea of saying "non-white" either, because it still makes the entire world and the discussion of race revolve around white people.
I'm also really uncomfortable that PoC encompasses all the people who aren't white. And that's a big damn group. I'm really not okay with the idea that sometimes, in these discussions, somehow, Black = Latino = Hispanic = Asian = Native American = First Nations = Anyone not white. When in real life, that is not far from the truth you can't even see it from orbit.
What also bothers me is when white people do the inverse. When they list their various heritages like it could possibly mean anything.
I've heard so many folks say, "I'm not white. I'm Swedish, Latvian, Ukrainian, Scottish, Irish, etc...". I've also heard some white folks count Native American among their heritages (and you can see my feelings about that here.
And it makes me want to scream. Because it became apparent to me a long time ago how obnoxious and wrongheaded the idea that any of your heritages means anything when you're white (at least in America).
That's the thing about whiteness in American society. It whitewashes everything. Even white people. You can be as Swedish or Ukrainian or Scottish as you like in your head, in your family, but when it comes to check the boxes on government forms, when it comes time for society to decide how to treat you, what privileges to give or withhold, you're white. White and nothing else. When people look at you, they'll only see white. Whitewashed, whiteout. That's what that is.
There's a larger problem at work, and that's the problem with having the idea of "white" at all, and awarding the status of "white" to people who are a certain skin color or background. I find it very telling of American culture that we (or at least white people) are so eager to base our assertions of race on looks, on something that cannot be readily hidden. I think that might go a long way to explaining the very bad "tragic mulatto" tropes in literature.
We need to destroy the idea of whiteness. Not the people who call themselves white, mind you. The people need to exist, the language and thought patterns need to change. We need to create a new identity for us pink-beige-European-descended types here in America. It needs to be an identity which does not grant us anymore respect or status than anyone else. Because when we have that, when we have a way for us to be the people we are, instead of one big, privileged, homogeneous group of people who are just *white*, then it'll mean something when you say to someone, "I'm Russian and Norwegian and British and..."
Until then, and as things stand, it doesn't mean anything. Those words are just empty words, those heritages are meaningless. You're cut off from them. Because that's whiteness. That's dominance. You can be white, but you can't be anything else. Not until you divest yourself of it.
Also? I just figured out why the term "Melting Pot" always struck me as wrong. The thing about melting pots is that when you melt things together, the idea isn't to have diversity, it's to boil everything down until it's all one thing. Like, when you're making bronze. Sure, you have different kind of metals in there, but the end result is to force them to become something else, to become bronze, to lend properties to the new metal while surrendering themselves. The tin and copper aren't really there any more, not in meaningful units by themselves. They're all bronze.
That might sound like a good thing to some people, like it would be good if we all melted together so we could all be the same. But to my mind, when people think of this as a positive, of trying to melt all the different parts of America together to get one canonical kind of American, it really sounds like is "why don't we just make everyone white?"
It sounds like, maybe, a suggestion where whoever is the dominant flavor in America will force everyone to become like them, to acculturate to them, and maybe they'll pick up a few words or new foods or music they like - but only if the other parties involved agree to surrender every other part of their identity.
I'd like it more of we were a, I dunno, salad. Because at least with a salad the idea is not to come out with one homogenous substance, but to have all the different components working together while maintaining their individual flavors. The carrots stay carrots. The lettuce stays lettuce. The cheese stays cheese. But the they all blend together and get a really good flavor going. You get a salad. And with the best ones, it's all mixed up.
Of course, even that metaphor is problematic, but it sounds better to me than Melting Pot.
Yet another reason that walking away from this discussion is a bad idea for us white folks. Because this racism thing is going to come around to bite us in the ass if we don't stop it.
If for no other reason than we need to redefine our thought processes culturally, without dominance structured in. Sometimes I wonder if that's the root fear of Defensive Clueless White People. I know, certainly for me, were and still times when that's something I wonder about.
I think for some DCWP's, the problem is that they believe that if they divest of privilege, someone else will pick it up. And suddenly they'll be in the same position PoC's have been in for fucking decades. I suppose to their mind there must be some thought that if it's got to be someone who gets privilege, it might as well be them and not the other guys/gals.
I don't think that some of the DCWP's get that the way to guarantee something like that is to KEEP ignoring the discussions about race, is to keep running back to their comfort zones in the short term, to keep doing the easy thing.
Thing is? If we manage to lick this racism thing, if we manage to teach ourselves to exist without dominance based on race (or gender, or sexuality, or religion, or anything else), to allow for a real kind of equality, to give everyone their fair share culturally, then it won't be a problem. Because instead of it always being one group dominating another (and all of us have some privilege and some unprivileged categories, so we're all on both sides of the dominance structures), we'll learn another way to exist. A better way.
But if we keep stalling these arguments, we're just ensuring more vicious cycles. The way I see, delaying and derailing the talks about racism, cultural appropriation, and dominance in culture are like the way in which religious institutions in the West used to delay advancements in astronomy. Once that stopped, once we learned how to give science and religion their space, we walked on the moon
I'd love to walk on that moon. The one where we've finally figured out how to live without stepping on each other's necks, without pushing each other away when we could benefit more if we'd just learn to respect spaces and give respect. Can you imagine if we didn't have to fight anymore? What we'd have time to create, what monumental things we could accomplish? We could build and grow and think and have. We could have so much.
So that's five things. And as always, I ask respect and thoughtfulness in replying, and No Cookies Allowed (we've talked about this. I'm on a cookie-free diet). And also, as always, my ears are keen, I'm listening.
I might not be able to get around to responding to comments as quickly this week because I'm going to be a very busy little person. So if your comment sits there a while, unanswered, just be patient with me, okay?
