Just want to point out you've used "crumbling tower" three times and "harbors" twice. My suggestions are to focus in on what's important and dramatic, and make this book seem more unique than your average fantasy. I think you need an extra line to show how Eiryn changes in this--possibly something about her feelings for the Bonedevil and the conflict of loyalties between two worlds, and so on.
The Bonedevil is my first novel, though I have been the recipient of awards for short fiction from Union University and the University of North Florida. I am a graduate of the University of North Florida who is originally from Tennessee now living in NYC with my soon-to-be husband, a forensic scientist for the NYPD. Actually, you don't need to mention this is your first novel. Keep the mention of awards, but trim the personal details that don't relate to your novel or writing specifically.
Thank you so much for your time, as I know it is limited. I have the complete manuscript available upon request. Please do not hesitate to contact me if there are any questions.
Cut "as I know it is limited" and that last sentence could just be "I look forward to hearing from you." They won't have any questions--just a request for more or a rejection! Hopefully the former.
1. Yes. But don't worry about that. You want to give enough details to show the book has a story, both a plot and a character arc. You can give more details in the synopsis, which is even harder to write, believe it or not.
2. Once you start getting responses, you'll know if you need to rework the query letter, if you don't get any requests for more materials.
3. Missed it
4. Everything I've seen suggests that agents can tell whether you're a good writer from your query letter, which is why it's not a good idea to have someone else write it for you. I actually felt the opposite--I was sure my novel sounded better than it is, and people would be disappointed when they got my pages, though I did think the first three chapters were particularly strong if only they would look at them!
5. See my comments above
6. People are buying, but they're definitely getting pickier. If the market isn't right for this novel right now, you can always try again later. You did your best with this one and it shows--it's really good. But there are so many factors that aren't up to us. All you can do is write and submit, and write something else, and keep trying.
If you have a website you can mention it, and you probably should have a website. I don't think they'll care about your blog unless you have a solid number of people following it.
I hope I haven't been harsh with my comments! I think you're off to a good start and on the right track. I can send you my query letter if you think that'll help. Just as an FYI, I think I sent out 33 queries over the course of 6 months before getting an agent, so this is a long process. Stick with it!
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part two
Date: 2009-03-20 11:50 pm (UTC)The Bonedevil is my first novel, though I have been the recipient of awards for short fiction from Union University and the University of North Florida. I am a graduate of the University of North Florida who is originally from Tennessee now living in NYC with my soon-to-be husband, a forensic scientist for the NYPD.
Actually, you don't need to mention this is your first novel. Keep the mention of awards, but trim the personal details that don't relate to your novel or writing specifically.
Thank you so much for your time, as I know it is limited. I have the complete manuscript available upon request. Please do not hesitate to contact me if there are any questions.
Cut "as I know it is limited" and that last sentence could just be "I look forward to hearing from you." They won't have any questions--just a request for more or a rejection! Hopefully the former.
1. Yes. But don't worry about that. You want to give enough details to show the book has a story, both a plot and a character arc. You can give more details in the synopsis, which is even harder to write, believe it or not.
2. Once you start getting responses, you'll know if you need to rework the query letter, if you don't get any requests for more materials.
3. Missed it
4. Everything I've seen suggests that agents can tell whether you're a good writer from your query letter, which is why it's not a good idea to have someone else write it for you. I actually felt the opposite--I was sure my novel sounded better than it is, and people would be disappointed when they got my pages, though I did think the first three chapters were particularly strong if only they would look at them!
5. See my comments above
6. People are buying, but they're definitely getting pickier. If the market isn't right for this novel right now, you can always try again later. You did your best with this one and it shows--it's really good. But there are so many factors that aren't up to us. All you can do is write and submit, and write something else, and keep trying.
If you have a website you can mention it, and you probably should have a website. I don't think they'll care about your blog unless you have a solid number of people following it.
I hope I haven't been harsh with my comments! I think you're off to a good start and on the right track. I can send you my query letter if you think that'll help. Just as an FYI, I think I sent out 33 queries over the course of 6 months before getting an agent, so this is a long process. Stick with it!