The narrative is scattershot, and it's scattershot because it's trying to throw stuff at you to make you feel sorry for this person, who isn't a human being in her own right, but just a device to evoke a feeling of pity, and a womb for the real protagonist.
I didn't know this at the time of posting. I posted the paragraphs without even knowing what books they were from because I want to analyze only the prose, only that first opening wherein I know nothing about the books. That said, knowing this now I don't think I'll ever be searching out book one or book two. The minute other commenters let me know what the situation was, I cringed, and it explains a lot (as you say).
You're right that paragraph #2 has inconsistencies and that it's deliberately trying to tug on heartstrings, but that still put it one up (for me) on a paragraph that seems to think that it's so interesting from the get-go that it can waste 138 words and not bother with the heartstrings (or at least the strings of my Give A Damn) at all.
no subject
I didn't know this at the time of posting. I posted the paragraphs without even knowing what books they were from because I want to analyze only the prose, only that first opening wherein I know nothing about the books. That said, knowing this now I don't think I'll ever be searching out book one or book two. The minute other commenters let me know what the situation was, I cringed, and it explains a lot (as you say).
You're right that paragraph #2 has inconsistencies and that it's deliberately trying to tug on heartstrings, but that still put it one up (for me) on a paragraph that seems to think that it's so interesting from the get-go that it can waste 138 words and not bother with the heartstrings (or at least the strings of my Give A Damn) at all.
Openings are hard.
Yeah they are.