Random thoughts

Whenever I see calls for queer SF/F, or queer fiction in general, I always wonder if I would be allowed to submit, if I fit under the category of "queer", if what I write fits under the category of "queer".

I write plenty of things with/about people who are neither cisgendered nor straight, I write stories of gay couples and lesbian adventurers (that lesbian pirate story will see an audience one day, I hope) and folks who began life as one gender but knew they were another.

But does that count? I don't think I've ever written a story that was centered on anyone's sexuality so much as what they're doing. I mean, yeah, the sexuality enters into it sometimes and for different reasons, but that's never been the thrust of the story.

Is queer fiction just fiction with queer people or is there another element to it?

For reference: I am a cisgendered, bisexual female. Yeah, I know. It seems like every girl who gets drunk at a party and smooches other drunk co-eds for the enjoyment of cheering frat boys claims to be as well.

Which is precisely the problem. Seems like, sometimes, being bisexual doesn't count for anything. I'm not straight enough to be heterosexual. The women I've loved and been with don't go away, the things I feel for and about other women don't go away. Yet, I can play straight if I have to (around certain family members, for instance). I'm engaged to a cisgendered male, so people make understandable presumptions. And for that reason, I often wonder if I have a place at the queer table, if I'm allowed. Do I count?

I guess there are moments when I feel as though I have to fight both sides just to be recognized, just to have my identity acknowledged as real, legitimate, and not just a phase or a state of confusion. Because I'm definitely not confused about this, and I never was. I've always known that I'm not straight, and I've always known that I'm not gay. I didn't just "go over to the dark side" during college and come back when it was convenient, but keep the name to give me street cred. I'm not a lesbian in denial.

This is me. I'm here. I'm real and I really feel these things. I'm not lying, and I'm not too stupid or confused to know what I feel. I'm a conscientious adult who knows her own mind. And for the record, I've never once kissed a girl for anyone's pleasure and enjoyment but my own, and every time I have been with women, I've been stone cold sober and there way nary a frat boy in sight.

I've seen collections of Gay and Lesbian fiction (collectively and separately), and that's a good thing. My word, I'm not crying for less Gay/Lesbian fiction. I say, more! Let us have more queerness, queerness all over! But I don't think I've ever seen collections of Bisexual fiction. And I wish I did. It'd be nice, you know? Nice if every once and a while I saw stories about people that were like me.