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Reasons why I am not a "real" writer
Justine Larbalestier posted all the reasons she's not a real writer, and I thought I'd play that game, too.
And the standard disclaimer: What makes me a "not real" writer may not be what makes you a "not real" writer. What I do or don't do isn't necessarily wrong or right, it's just what I feel doesn't match with the cliches.
1. I have terrible grammar and spelling. I don't care about grammar and spelling all that much.
2. I do not have a "muse" or a clever name for that muse. Instead I call it "my brain". I don't talk to this muse or complain that it's jerking me around like a dog on a leash.
3. I don't read agent blogs for anything but pure enjoyment, and I don't read an agents blog when going to submit to them. I redirect my attention to reading their submission guidelines instead. Those I study intently.
4. I don't Twitter and never will.
5. I don't share random personal tidbits on my writing blog. The fact that I just cleaned the kitchen is not related to how I'm coming along on my latest project.
6. Characters don't talk to me or take over or do anything autonomously. I think up new information about them, I come upon revelations about what I should have been doing with the character, but they're not actually discrete entities in my head. They don't say anything. They're not real.
7. I don't sit down to write a certain amount of words every single day. In fact some days I don't write anything. I go out and do things like visit family, take a vacation, try to find a job, have fun, have a life.
8. I do not seek to make anyone squirm.
9. I neither improvise completely or outline completely, and I don't think either is a right or wrong way to go about it. My outlines are something along the lines of: "And then character A and character B fight. Then something stops the fight. Then flying monkeys appear. Then there's chaos and eventually they end up fighting a zombie army somehow with something magical or other-ish." It's a basic road map that shows me where the beginning and the end are in relation to each other and what pit stops I have to make along the way, with room for detours and sudden exits.
10. I don't write short stories. I don't even like short stories as a rule (there are a few exceptions). I only write longer length works.
11. I do not always hate my work after I'm finished. I go through love/hate cycles. Sometimes I hate it, then I look back and love it, then I hate it again. Like I said, a cycle.
12. While I enjoy a good Diet Coke now and then and believe it to be the brand name of Funky Cold Medina, I have no actual need for regular infusions of caffeine and if I don't get Diet Coke for weeks or months, I don't notice. Coffee often smells like vomit to me and makes my stomach hurt.
13. I'm becoming more and more of a morning person each day. Soon, I may lose my ability to stay up past 10:45 pm.
14. I like chocolate and enjoy it, but don't crave it regularly. I do crave sweets, but I'm a vanilla girl myself. Anything with creme. Or the icing from a cupcake. *drools*.
15. I do not wait to get inspired. Sometimes I write even when I don't feel like and don't feel any great creative impulse. I usually can't tell the difference afterward.
16. I don't believe in classics, or that books are good just because they're old and written by some Very Respected Long Deceased Author. Some books age well. Most just get perpetuated as great literature because enough people say that it's great literature. Not because it actually is.
17. I believe that being depressed, sad, and otherwise tragic is actually the worst state to write in. I think being happy, stable, energetic, and in good health is actually a better basis for being successful.
18. I do not have a cat. Or any pets. I'd like a cat, but I do not think it would feature into my writing life significantly. Except for time away from writing spent cleaning the litter box.*
19. I don't post playlists for novels I've written. Because I don't know what good it would do. If you haven't heard the song, it doesn't mean anything to you and I don't tend to like rock music by Old British Guys who are cool for the reasons that Very Respected Authors are Very Respected, which is that enough people said so that it became true. I might one day like to put up a downloadable soundtrack so everyone can hear the music. But I think that's illegal unless you fork over lots of money.
20. I am not Interesting, Exotic, Larger-Than-Life, Eccentric, or otherwise Artistic. My name is Meg. I am a fake writer. I type up stories from inside my head, I try my best, I hope it turns out all right, and otherwise I'm very boring but hopefully hardworking.
*I had a snake once. Snakes aren't very literary pets. They lack the power of snarky expressions and wacky bloggable interactions with people and other pets. You generally don't want them interacting. Mostly, they lay on fake rocks under a heat lamp and eat mice and poo. I feel this is why T.S. Eliot never wrote of McSnakety, or Lillian Jackson Braun never wrote about The Snake Who Solved Crime.
And the standard disclaimer: What makes me a "not real" writer may not be what makes you a "not real" writer. What I do or don't do isn't necessarily wrong or right, it's just what I feel doesn't match with the cliches.
1. I have terrible grammar and spelling. I don't care about grammar and spelling all that much.
2. I do not have a "muse" or a clever name for that muse. Instead I call it "my brain". I don't talk to this muse or complain that it's jerking me around like a dog on a leash.
3. I don't read agent blogs for anything but pure enjoyment, and I don't read an agents blog when going to submit to them. I redirect my attention to reading their submission guidelines instead. Those I study intently.
4. I don't Twitter and never will.
5. I don't share random personal tidbits on my writing blog. The fact that I just cleaned the kitchen is not related to how I'm coming along on my latest project.
6. Characters don't talk to me or take over or do anything autonomously. I think up new information about them, I come upon revelations about what I should have been doing with the character, but they're not actually discrete entities in my head. They don't say anything. They're not real.
7. I don't sit down to write a certain amount of words every single day. In fact some days I don't write anything. I go out and do things like visit family, take a vacation, try to find a job, have fun, have a life.
8. I do not seek to make anyone squirm.
9. I neither improvise completely or outline completely, and I don't think either is a right or wrong way to go about it. My outlines are something along the lines of: "And then character A and character B fight. Then something stops the fight. Then flying monkeys appear. Then there's chaos and eventually they end up fighting a zombie army somehow with something magical or other-ish." It's a basic road map that shows me where the beginning and the end are in relation to each other and what pit stops I have to make along the way, with room for detours and sudden exits.
10. I don't write short stories. I don't even like short stories as a rule (there are a few exceptions). I only write longer length works.
11. I do not always hate my work after I'm finished. I go through love/hate cycles. Sometimes I hate it, then I look back and love it, then I hate it again. Like I said, a cycle.
12. While I enjoy a good Diet Coke now and then and believe it to be the brand name of Funky Cold Medina, I have no actual need for regular infusions of caffeine and if I don't get Diet Coke for weeks or months, I don't notice. Coffee often smells like vomit to me and makes my stomach hurt.
13. I'm becoming more and more of a morning person each day. Soon, I may lose my ability to stay up past 10:45 pm.
14. I like chocolate and enjoy it, but don't crave it regularly. I do crave sweets, but I'm a vanilla girl myself. Anything with creme. Or the icing from a cupcake. *drools*.
15. I do not wait to get inspired. Sometimes I write even when I don't feel like and don't feel any great creative impulse. I usually can't tell the difference afterward.
16. I don't believe in classics, or that books are good just because they're old and written by some Very Respected Long Deceased Author. Some books age well. Most just get perpetuated as great literature because enough people say that it's great literature. Not because it actually is.
17. I believe that being depressed, sad, and otherwise tragic is actually the worst state to write in. I think being happy, stable, energetic, and in good health is actually a better basis for being successful.
18. I do not have a cat. Or any pets. I'd like a cat, but I do not think it would feature into my writing life significantly. Except for time away from writing spent cleaning the litter box.*
19. I don't post playlists for novels I've written. Because I don't know what good it would do. If you haven't heard the song, it doesn't mean anything to you and I don't tend to like rock music by Old British Guys who are cool for the reasons that Very Respected Authors are Very Respected, which is that enough people said so that it became true. I might one day like to put up a downloadable soundtrack so everyone can hear the music. But I think that's illegal unless you fork over lots of money.
20. I am not Interesting, Exotic, Larger-Than-Life, Eccentric, or otherwise Artistic. My name is Meg. I am a fake writer. I type up stories from inside my head, I try my best, I hope it turns out all right, and otherwise I'm very boring but hopefully hardworking.
*I had a snake once. Snakes aren't very literary pets. They lack the power of snarky expressions and wacky bloggable interactions with people and other pets. You generally don't want them interacting. Mostly, they lay on fake rocks under a heat lamp and eat mice and poo. I feel this is why T.S. Eliot never wrote of McSnakety, or Lillian Jackson Braun never wrote about The Snake Who Solved Crime.
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And I dunno. I kind of like having Terry settled around my waist or shoulders when I work. She's a weird snake. She seems to enjoy people.