Good stuff
Oct. 1st, 2009 03:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
megwritesAs always, The Angry Black Woman blog comes through with a post from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
karnythia about The Do's and Don'ts of Being a Good Ally
One issue that I've seen coming up a lot lately is people who call themselves allies getting upset and angry when they feel they're being excluded from safe spaces/activities. To my mind, when somebody who proclaims themselves an ally says such things they're really trying to say, "But I'm a dues paying member of the [Insert Group]! I said all the right things, put up the nice meme banners for International [Insert Day/Week/Month Dedicated to Oppressed Group]. I should be included, I'm as much a part of this as you!"
Like PoC's are just a nifty new club somebody came up with because it makes you look cool and open minded. That's the problem with slacktivism, with the idea that you can sit back, make some nice nifty posts, put up a banner or two on your social networking pages, and suddenly you're as invested in the struggle as someone who lives it every day.
Let's get this straight. If you're a white person in this country, I don't give a damn how much anti-racism work you do, you're not ever going to experience racial oppression the way a person of color does. You make take crap for your beliefs and actions, but you are never going to be as invested in the struggle to end oppression as a person of color. You have to accept that you're an ally. You're a supporting role, but this is not your show. You're an assistant, a helper. You listen to what others tell you they need or you GTFO as far as I'm concerned. I say this as a very white person who knows damn well that I'm never going to feel the impact of racism the way a Person of Color does.
So don't hang around acting like you don't reap the benefits of whiteness even when you're out there trying to end white privilege, like you will ever suffer as much as the oppressed people you're claiming to help.
Just like with GLBT activism. You can campaign as much as you want for equal marriage rights, but until it's YOUR marriage on the line, you're not going to be as invested as the same-sex couples who live under the daily oppression of not being able to do simple things like share insurance or inherit property or claim tax deductions.
I think that what bothers a lot of allies about not being allowed into the safe spaces is a complete misunderstanding of what safe spaces are. They're not a more exclusive part of an already exclusive club. It's not like a VIP lounge or something. It's not a ranking system that says "these people are more anti-racist than thou".
It's a place where people can go and have the pressure of a certain oppression, for a little while, taken out of the equation and interact knowing that they're in a space for them. A space where they don't have to make the adjustments and changes that the oppression they're under forces on them.
I mean, take the GLBT activism. A safe space to talk about the things that matter without feeling like you have to turn to someone and constantly go, "Present company excepted" is a powerful things. As a woman, I know it's nice to have places to be able to say, "I hate when men do this!" and not have to constantly add the boilerplate, "I know you're a nice man and you don't do that" to a bunch of guys. Or to know I don't have to sit there and try to think of ways to make my struggles as a woman relevant to someone else who doesn't experience them. To know I don't have to explain why saying "well, she was dressed really scantily" is part of rape culture and why that's wrong and hurtful. Or to be able to reclaim words like "bitch" and "cunt" without worrying that I've just given some misguided idiot carte blanch to go saying it to every woman he meets because "oh, well, that woman over there said it!"
When men enter the room, the equation changes. There's no way around it, because both sides have been socially pre-conditioned to think and act in certain way with each other and having to fight that programming while trying to fix a broken system just makes it harder.
It's nice to be able to go somewhere and know that everyone in the room or in the conversation is on the same page as me.
It's not about exclusion, it's about safety. It's about regrouping.
Being an ally doesn't mean being an equal partner in something. That's the mistake I think most faux-allies make. They think they can chip in for a few bucks of donations and a nice banner on their website and they're all equal investors in Social Justice and Other Great Stuff. But that can't be because the allies have not ponied up as much as the oppressed folks they're trying to help. They haven't pitched in as much or had as much taken from them.
If we're sitting on a set of scales that desperately need to be rebalanced, then giving everyone the exact same thing isn't going to help. Adding five pounds to both sides doesn't counter act the degree of imbalance. Re-balancing involves some people getting extra things and some people not getting extra things. It involves some people not getting upset or jealous when a group of folks who needs to have one little place where they can help heal and grow their communities.
If you are a GLBT ally, you are NOT part of the GLBT community. You're a friend and ally to it, but you're NOT part of it. That doesn't take away from your genuine desire to help. That doesn't mean that you don't have a role to play. But it DOES mean that you can't claim any incidental, momentary benefits that might come about (like scholarships or safe spaces or specific awards). Why? Because you don't suffer the consequences of that identity.
You don't suffer gay bashing and homophobia and loss of civil rights. You don't suffer having people deny you a job or a loan because of your race. You don't suffer having someone tell you that being raped was your fault because your skirt was too short and that you must have been asking for it.
So why would you think you should be entitled to equal rewards if you don't have equal suffering? You shouldn't. And more than that, you shouldn't want that. Because if you're a true ally, all you really want is to see the people you're allying yourself with reap the benefits. If you're a true ally, you celebrate and respect safe spaces because it helps the goal you're really working towards.
That's the difference between real allies and faux-allies. Real allies want justice. Faux-allies want cookies and fringe benefits and nifty buttons. They want quick, cheap rewards. Thus, faux allies get upset when they're told that the cookies are reserved for those who have gone hungry for decades, not for those who haven't missed a meal in their lives. Real allies just want to see people get fed so nobody goes hungry again.
Yeah, okay, I think I've stretched the cookie metaphor far enough.
karnythia about The Do's and Don'ts of Being a Good AllyOne issue that I've seen coming up a lot lately is people who call themselves allies getting upset and angry when they feel they're being excluded from safe spaces/activities. To my mind, when somebody who proclaims themselves an ally says such things they're really trying to say, "But I'm a dues paying member of the [Insert Group]! I said all the right things, put up the nice meme banners for International [Insert Day/Week/Month Dedicated to Oppressed Group]. I should be included, I'm as much a part of this as you!"
Like PoC's are just a nifty new club somebody came up with because it makes you look cool and open minded. That's the problem with slacktivism, with the idea that you can sit back, make some nice nifty posts, put up a banner or two on your social networking pages, and suddenly you're as invested in the struggle as someone who lives it every day.
Let's get this straight. If you're a white person in this country, I don't give a damn how much anti-racism work you do, you're not ever going to experience racial oppression the way a person of color does. You make take crap for your beliefs and actions, but you are never going to be as invested in the struggle to end oppression as a person of color. You have to accept that you're an ally. You're a supporting role, but this is not your show. You're an assistant, a helper. You listen to what others tell you they need or you GTFO as far as I'm concerned. I say this as a very white person who knows damn well that I'm never going to feel the impact of racism the way a Person of Color does.
So don't hang around acting like you don't reap the benefits of whiteness even when you're out there trying to end white privilege, like you will ever suffer as much as the oppressed people you're claiming to help.
Just like with GLBT activism. You can campaign as much as you want for equal marriage rights, but until it's YOUR marriage on the line, you're not going to be as invested as the same-sex couples who live under the daily oppression of not being able to do simple things like share insurance or inherit property or claim tax deductions.
I think that what bothers a lot of allies about not being allowed into the safe spaces is a complete misunderstanding of what safe spaces are. They're not a more exclusive part of an already exclusive club. It's not like a VIP lounge or something. It's not a ranking system that says "these people are more anti-racist than thou".
It's a place where people can go and have the pressure of a certain oppression, for a little while, taken out of the equation and interact knowing that they're in a space for them. A space where they don't have to make the adjustments and changes that the oppression they're under forces on them.
I mean, take the GLBT activism. A safe space to talk about the things that matter without feeling like you have to turn to someone and constantly go, "Present company excepted" is a powerful things. As a woman, I know it's nice to have places to be able to say, "I hate when men do this!" and not have to constantly add the boilerplate, "I know you're a nice man and you don't do that" to a bunch of guys. Or to know I don't have to sit there and try to think of ways to make my struggles as a woman relevant to someone else who doesn't experience them. To know I don't have to explain why saying "well, she was dressed really scantily" is part of rape culture and why that's wrong and hurtful. Or to be able to reclaim words like "bitch" and "cunt" without worrying that I've just given some misguided idiot carte blanch to go saying it to every woman he meets because "oh, well, that woman over there said it!"
When men enter the room, the equation changes. There's no way around it, because both sides have been socially pre-conditioned to think and act in certain way with each other and having to fight that programming while trying to fix a broken system just makes it harder.
It's nice to be able to go somewhere and know that everyone in the room or in the conversation is on the same page as me.
It's not about exclusion, it's about safety. It's about regrouping.
Being an ally doesn't mean being an equal partner in something. That's the mistake I think most faux-allies make. They think they can chip in for a few bucks of donations and a nice banner on their website and they're all equal investors in Social Justice and Other Great Stuff. But that can't be because the allies have not ponied up as much as the oppressed folks they're trying to help. They haven't pitched in as much or had as much taken from them.
If we're sitting on a set of scales that desperately need to be rebalanced, then giving everyone the exact same thing isn't going to help. Adding five pounds to both sides doesn't counter act the degree of imbalance. Re-balancing involves some people getting extra things and some people not getting extra things. It involves some people not getting upset or jealous when a group of folks who needs to have one little place where they can help heal and grow their communities.
If you are a GLBT ally, you are NOT part of the GLBT community. You're a friend and ally to it, but you're NOT part of it. That doesn't take away from your genuine desire to help. That doesn't mean that you don't have a role to play. But it DOES mean that you can't claim any incidental, momentary benefits that might come about (like scholarships or safe spaces or specific awards). Why? Because you don't suffer the consequences of that identity.
You don't suffer gay bashing and homophobia and loss of civil rights. You don't suffer having people deny you a job or a loan because of your race. You don't suffer having someone tell you that being raped was your fault because your skirt was too short and that you must have been asking for it.
So why would you think you should be entitled to equal rewards if you don't have equal suffering? You shouldn't. And more than that, you shouldn't want that. Because if you're a true ally, all you really want is to see the people you're allying yourself with reap the benefits. If you're a true ally, you celebrate and respect safe spaces because it helps the goal you're really working towards.
That's the difference between real allies and faux-allies. Real allies want justice. Faux-allies want cookies and fringe benefits and nifty buttons. They want quick, cheap rewards. Thus, faux allies get upset when they're told that the cookies are reserved for those who have gone hungry for decades, not for those who haven't missed a meal in their lives. Real allies just want to see people get fed so nobody goes hungry again.
Yeah, okay, I think I've stretched the cookie metaphor far enough.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-01 10:43 pm (UTC)This too (http://shemale.dreamwidth.org/139506.html): If you're going to claim that you're writing a book to "give representation" or "raise awareness" or "tell their stories" or whatever for queer people, why would it bother you that the words of a person who is actually queer is getting recognition instead of your own?
And
But I'm just link-spamming what you're already posting about. :)