Yet Another 2009 in Review Post.
Dec. 31st, 2009 03:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
megwritesSeems like a lot of people on my f-list are looking back, either at the year or the decade and listing their accomplishments.
I can't say I have any to list from this year or this decade, especially when it comes to writing.
Because this year, friends and neighbors? All I did was fail. I wrote a novel, I polished and edited it the best I could, I shopped it around, and got rejected utterly. I promised a few months ago that if nothing had happened on the Tower!Guy novel I would put it in the trunk and be done with it.
It's December 31st, and nothing's happened. It's time to let it go.
Failure is not a good feeling. It's a tremendously cold feeling and it makes you so small in comparison.
It hurts a bit, reading as others list all that they've done, the stories sold, deals signed, sales made and knowing that I have nothing to show for this year or this decade. I don't begrudge these people their successes. I know how hard they worked for them, how much they deserved them. This is not about jealousy or resentment.
It's about not pretending that this was a good year for me. Because I think we tend to look back through rosy colored glasses, and sometimes you just need to admit that things were not okay, that you failed.
This year, I failed.
Maybe I needed to fail. Maybe I deserved to fail. Maybe the story was far weaker than I'm able to see because I'm not where I need to be as far as my craft goes. Some people said they loved it, but nobody loved it enough to take a chance on it. I don't know, I honestly don't.
I do know that I do not want to be in this same situation come this time next year.
That's the promise of a New Year. That's why around the world, wherever you mark the divisions between one year and another, there's always a celebration. You can stand at the end of a bad year, look into the new and know that whatever else happened, you have a chance to try again.
I'll get to try again.
So I'm going to put that story away and take my chances with others. I'm going to take chances with myself. I'm going to try again. I'm going risk that maybe next year I'll have to write another post like this.
Because worse than failing is not trying. Worse than failing again is not trying again.
I can't say I have any to list from this year or this decade, especially when it comes to writing.
Because this year, friends and neighbors? All I did was fail. I wrote a novel, I polished and edited it the best I could, I shopped it around, and got rejected utterly. I promised a few months ago that if nothing had happened on the Tower!Guy novel I would put it in the trunk and be done with it.
It's December 31st, and nothing's happened. It's time to let it go.
Failure is not a good feeling. It's a tremendously cold feeling and it makes you so small in comparison.
It hurts a bit, reading as others list all that they've done, the stories sold, deals signed, sales made and knowing that I have nothing to show for this year or this decade. I don't begrudge these people their successes. I know how hard they worked for them, how much they deserved them. This is not about jealousy or resentment.
It's about not pretending that this was a good year for me. Because I think we tend to look back through rosy colored glasses, and sometimes you just need to admit that things were not okay, that you failed.
This year, I failed.
Maybe I needed to fail. Maybe I deserved to fail. Maybe the story was far weaker than I'm able to see because I'm not where I need to be as far as my craft goes. Some people said they loved it, but nobody loved it enough to take a chance on it. I don't know, I honestly don't.
I do know that I do not want to be in this same situation come this time next year.
That's the promise of a New Year. That's why around the world, wherever you mark the divisions between one year and another, there's always a celebration. You can stand at the end of a bad year, look into the new and know that whatever else happened, you have a chance to try again.
I'll get to try again.
So I'm going to put that story away and take my chances with others. I'm going to take chances with myself. I'm going to try again. I'm going risk that maybe next year I'll have to write another post like this.
Because worse than failing is not trying. Worse than failing again is not trying again.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-31 08:51 pm (UTC)You keep going and you keep trying. It hurts to put away the novel that didn't sell (my favorite is still in my trunk too) but moving forward is key, I think.
:)