megwrites: Beast, from Beauty & The Beast looking coiffed and unhappy. (beauty&thebeast)
megwrites ([personal profile] megwrites) wrote2013-07-10 03:08 pm

I just stopped by to complain

Dear Paranormal Romance Writers,

I see that some of you write sex scenes in your books. Good for you! But as a personal favor to your readers, could you maybe not refer to the fluids produced by vagina having folks during arousal as "her cream". Please also do not have the male love interest desire that his penis be "bathed in her cream" during sexual intercourse.

Because honestly, this and all the heavy thrusting you describe make me think that what you are really attempting to do is describe a couple in the throes of churning butter. Butter that is inside a vagina. Because let's face it. Lots of churning + cream = butter. And now I'm thinking of vagina butter.

The sexy: it has fled.

Not for nothing, one of your esteemed colleagues has already invoked in me the image of semen cheese.

So if you are a paranormal novelist who is currently drafting a sex scene, I would take it as an almighty kindness if you would leave things like "milking", "cream" and other dairy related terms RIGHT OUT. In fact, references that can be traced back to a farm at all would really be best left alone.

I'm just sayin'.

Love and Sexy Vampires,
st_aurafina: Rainbow DNA (Default)

[personal profile] st_aurafina 2013-07-11 03:18 am (UTC)(link)
Word. Wordity word.

Also, please erase the word 'turgid' from your vocabulary because it is not sexy ever.
azurelunatic: A glittery black pin badge with a blue holographic star in the middle. (Default)

[personal profile] azurelunatic 2013-07-11 06:03 am (UTC)(link)
*makes a note*
jhameia: ME! (Default)

[personal profile] jhameia 2013-07-11 07:01 am (UTC)(link)
So I once went to a cultural show in Tibet. At one point, the scene was supposed to be about weddings and whatnot. Overall it was all dancers on stage, churning butter. As couples.


Yeah. I just thought I would share.
glass_icarus: (sott: euphemism)

[personal profile] glass_icarus 2013-07-12 03:40 pm (UTC)(link)
.... ahahahahhahaahahaaaaaaaaaaaaugh omg. /o\