Two books I couldn't finish

[megwrites]

1. Valley of Strength - Shulamit Lapid. Got this one from the Early Reviewers program at LibraryThing. It's a great story, but the translation of this novel into English was so bad that I couldn't go on. Which is sad, because the story itself had me hooked from the word go. A sixteen year old girl who meets a man who marries her just to take care of his kids going from Ukraine to pre-state Israel with her nutcase brother and her rape baby and doing her best to make her way in difficult times is a story worth telling. I may try to find a less headache inducing translation later.

2. Touch the Dark - Karen Chance. Wow, but this book sucked like an electrolux. I should have been warned when I read this lovely little passage:

I took a while to get there on foot, since I was trying to stay out of sight and avoid breaking an ankle in my new, over-the-knee, high-heeled boots. I'd bought them because they matched the cute leather mini a salesgirl had talked me into and I'd planned to wow them at the club after work.

Oh, fuck noes, I know she just didn't take time out of running for her life from dangerous hitmen sent by a vampire mafia don to give me the backstory behind her footwear. Why, in the middle of all this, do I need to know why she had over-the-knee boots? Why?

If I never see another urban fantasy "heroine" (I use that term loosely, because this protagonist was a self-absorbed airhead) talking about her clothing and her fashion obsessions, it will be too soon. Why do people think that just because I'm female and the protagonist is female that suddenly describing useless bits of clothing becomes important? I'm seriously about five minutes from going nuclear with rage. I am so tired of this.

I don't fucking care what she's wearing. Either have something interesting happen or GTFO, thanks please. This book is just another example of everything that's wrong with Urban Fantasy. Because of course, all the vampires are so hot and sexy and they all want to touch her and make sex with her. And of course, when she feels betrayed by a character who only lied to protect her, she swings back from flouncing like a teenager to thinking that he's so pretty and she wants to trust him.

Not to mention her utterly stupid plan to go after the guy who killed her parents by walking into a casino and fighting a vampiric hit man with nothing but her girly rage, apparently. Of course, though, she has to be properly dressed before she can go avenge her family. *facepalm*.

I spent the next four chapters really hoping the protagonist would die in a fire or get eaten. It didn't happen, so I moved on. I can't believe I spent money on this book. I am so selling it to the Book Barn so I can at least get some of my wasted dollars back. The only thing I got out of this book was the burning desire to know what editor got paid a backhander read over this and thought this was okay?

Apparently you can't rely on editors to stop crap from making it's way to shelves, because they won't. I guess it's up to the author to make sure the book won't burn people's eyeballs.

And by the by, the little blurb on the back of the cover should have also tipped me off to the stupidity: "The ghosts of the dead aren't usually dangerous..." Uh, as opposed to what? The ghosts of the living?

Comments

[denoue-moi.livejournal.com]

What would have rocked is if the salesgirl was in on it. "MUHAHAHA I have sold her a chafe-y skirt and impractical footwear. She will *never* outrun teh_vampire_mafiosa nows!"

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

What would have rocked is if the salesgirl was in on it.

INORITE! See, you should write this stuff because you think of the best things! I think you'd get a laugh out of the badness of this book. Especially the bad sex bits in the back that I flipped to just to see if there was any hope.

I dare not mention the Magical Properties of Cock that come into play later on.

[fashionista-35.livejournal.com]

Oh, fuck noes, I know she just didn't take time out of running for her life from dangerous hitmen sent by a vampire mafia don to give me the backstory behind her footwear. Why, in the middle of all this, do I need to know why she had over-the-knee boots? Why?

*headdesk*

*looks at passage again*

*headdesk headdesk*

ETA: email me at Fashionista35@comcast.net-- I have a question for you. *g*

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

Email sent! :)

[ilona-andrews.livejournal.com]

"Why do people think that just because I'm female and the protagonist is female that suddenly describing useless bits of clothing becomes important?"

Because editors send us nice notes saying, "Dear Ilona, could you please describe what Kate is wearing in this scene? Thank you so much." :P

I don't know why Karen had her description. I haven't read the book. I know I had to go back and write leather in for Kate. I said, "But she doesn't wear leather." And they said, "Yes, but readers like leather and the artist thinks the model would look great in it." So I had to go through the narrative and look for a spot where I could stick some leather in.

"The only thing I got out of this book was the burning desire to know what editor got paid a backhander read over this and thought this was okay? "

The editor was thinking: MONEY! Check her site - NYT and USA. :) Karen is very popular, she sells well, which means a great deal of people love what she writes, which means her publishing house is thrilled.

Not that I impugn your right to violent hate. I violently hated a number of books that were bestsellers. But I would disagree with you on the fact that the editor was incompetent. Her sales numbers prove that both she and her editor know exactly what they're doing.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

I find this really fascinating. Having never published a book before, I can't say I know all the insider details. I've tried my best to educate myself, but it seems like there are some things you only learn about when you get there.

I know I had to go back and write leather in for Kate. I said, "But she doesn't wear leather." And they said, "Yes, but readers like leather and the artist thinks the model would look great in it."

May I ask a question, out of my sincere ignorance, are you allowed at this stage to say "absolutely not", and do you risk not getting your book published if you do? I mean, how much control over the project does the author still have once these things are happening?

I suppose I'm wondering why it is that all these books keep coming out and keep selling, when it seems like there's a lot of discontent with them (well at least from where I'm reading on the internet). I know, personally, they make me want to give up on the urban fantasy genre, because I'm really kind of weary of getting insulted and smacked in the face by something that's supposed to be marketed to me but just makes me think that marketers and publishing companies think I'm very stupid and shallow.

I've been on the quest for the Perfect Vampire Novel for a while now, and I'm no closer to finding it, but I am finding a lot of things that show me exactly what I don't like. And I suppose I'm wondering what's behind the curtains, what's going on.

Her sales numbers prove that both she and her editor know exactly what they're doing.

At the risk of sounding either snarky, petulant, or both - having good sales numbers doesn't mean that it's a good book. I really don't like saying that, because I do believe that there comes a point when, if you get a broad enough audience that likes you, you've got something there. Maybe not Deathless Prose, but something. And I really don't like putting down something because it is well liked or has a lot of fans.

But at the same time? You can sell millions of books and never once have written anything good or worthwhile.

I'm sure this particular author's book sells perfectly fine. But, at least from where I'm standing, it's not a good book. And it seems like there's a lot of that out there. I guess sometimes I wonder if anyone is stopping to ask "is this a good book?"

I did pick "Touch the Dark" up and I bought it for a reason (and no, it wasn't the cover). I started reading for a reason. Because I saw potential. I saw bits and pieces of really good ideas and something that could've been spectacular, and me, being naive, I thought, "Hey, maybe this is the book that'll knock me off my feet and make me fall in love with the genre all over again!"

But it never is. These books that aggravate me do so because they could be really wonderful. They could be outstanding. They could knock it out of the literary ballpark, but they never get that far. They never try that hard.

It's never the mindblowing, jaw dropping, OMG-have-to-tell-the-world-about-it experience I want. It's always this instead.

[nwhyte]

I'd bought them because they matched the cute leather mini a salesgirl had talked me into and I'd planned to wow them at the club after work.

She planned to wow her boots at the club?

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

She planned to wow her boots at the club?

I didn't type out some of the bits before. She was going to wow some friends/coworkers at the club. "Them" is referred to early. Sorry!