Open Letter to Colleen Lindsay

[megwrites]

Dear Colleen Lindsay,

I have been following the comments that you and others have made in this post made by Rachelle Gardner concerning public complaints by writers. My opinions on that can be found in other entries, if you feel like reading them. That's not here what I came to talk about.

I came here to talk about this comment that you left further down the page, the one that says (emphasis mine):

I actually didn't go into anyone's journal. Google feeds locked posts into the Google reader willy-nilly, regardless of whether the post is locked or not. I found out it was a locked post simply because I tried to reference it again to show a colleague from another agency who was also mentioned in the post and I was unable to access it through LiveJournal.

You may be loathe to point this out so I will: I just did you and every other writer a major public service by letting you all know that even if you think something is private, it can sometimes still be seen by Google Reader.

Here's a Xanax and a glass of water. Chill, please.

Colleen

This may be the scariest thing I've ever done, but I need to tell you that this is not okay. I realize that I am probably very much putting whatever writing career I might have had in jeopardy. I realize that I could face a lot of consequences for saying this.

I'm willing to live with that.

I don't know your personal life all that well, besides what you Twitter or blog, so I don't know if you've ever had cause to be someone who takes Xanax or a medication similar to that.

But I do know many friends and family who have. Including me. I'm shaking right now, because I really don't like to admit that once upon a time, I had to be put on psychiatric medications when I was a kid. I still feel ashamed of it. It was a long time ago, and I try not to think about it or about how hard I tried not to let anyone know about it because, well, letting the kids at school know you're on "crazy pills" is asking to be teased.

I saw what happened to the one other girl in school who let the secret slip. I heard the "crazy" jokes and the "psycho" remarks. I heard the "she must be off her meds" remarks if she dared to show her hurt, her anger, her frustration. I got lucky. I kept my secret and was taken off the meds quickly. To this day, the thought of ever having to go back on them make me shake. Like I'm shaking right now.

I'm no longer on any psychiatric medications, but I know so many people who take such things. Including, yes, Xanax.

Those people, those friends and family, don't take it because they're high-strung and just need to "chill". They don't take it because they're bitchy and whiny and weak. They take it so they can function, so they can lead healthier lives. It is not due to a character flaw - it is due to a disorder, a disability.

The act of admitting you need help, especially with a mental disorder, is terrifying for so many people. There is still a lot of stigma surrounding it. When you admit that you have or still do take those drugs, you're opening yourself to a lot of scorn, to people who trivialize your condition, to people who think you're just whining and complaining, to people who think you're less trustworthy or intelligent because of it.

This isn't about writers or agents or the gripes between them. I don't care about that right now. I care that a professional that I respected so much has shown such profound disrespect, intentional or not, to so many people I care about.

You're a highly visible figure in the publishing world. One look at your blog or your Twitter feed shows that a lot of people watch and listen to you, and when you say such things, you give a silent nod to ablism to all those people watching. Yes, their actions and words are their responsibility. You can't control what other people do. But you can control what you yourself do, and what you condone.

I'm asking that in the future that you think about the things you say publicly, even in moments of great irritation (however justified) and the impact they will have on others. It is something that I think anyone who blogs, tweets, or comments should think about before they hit "post".

I'm keeping this letter open because I think that you are not, by any means, the first or worst in the voices of people who also encourage a culture of ablism, whether they mean to or not. I think we all need to talk about this, need to talk about ways we can change our words and behaviors so that we're not holding people down, disrespecting them, and making their lives harder.

Perhaps open letters on the internet are also unprofessional, perhaps bringing this out into the open is unprofessional, perhaps air my past is unprofessional. Well, maybe professionalism isn't all it's cracked up to be. And I'm not a professional. I'm just some nobody, unpublished writer with stories to tell who sees other people with stories -- and selves -- that are scorned, hidden, disrespected, ignored and thinks that it shouldn't be that way. I think that comments like yours only make it harder for those stories and those selves to come out honestly, openly, and with the dignity they deserve, and that shouldn't be.


Thank You,
Meg Freeman

Comments

[handyhunter.livejournal.com]

Perhaps open letters on the internet are also unprofessional, perhaps bringing this out into the open is unprofessional, perhaps air my past is unprofessional. Well, maybe professionalism isn't all it's cracked up to be.

It's the 'privilege of politeness' thing all over again.

I just did you and every other writer a major public service by letting you all know that even if you think something is private, it can sometimes still be seen by Google Reader.

I think that's only if it's initially unlocked when posted? If it's locked from the start, then Google Reader doesn't pick it up. I don't know what happens if the post is locked and then unlocked.

[lagringa.livejournal.com]

If the post is initially unlocked and then locked, it shows up on Google Reader.

[shweta-narayan.livejournal.com]

This is an incredibly brave post you've made. I am cheering for you, and offer v-hugs if those would help rather than intrude.

And if it's not professional to ask professionals to act professionally -- to consider their words and not make ablist and psychophobic comments in public -- then I don't particularly care to be professional either.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

Your v-hugs definitely help and are never an intrusion. Your support (or any support) really means a lot. I'm still nervous that I made this post, especially in light of other, less positive reactions - but I also know it was the right thing to do.

And I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that it really is deeply psychophobic and hurtful to make comments like that. I still get moments of, "Is it just me? Maybe I'm too sensitive?" when I see similar things said online and in real life.

[handyhunter.livejournal.com]

I still get moments of, "Is it just me? Maybe I'm too sensitive?" when I see similar things said online and in real life.

*Nods* That's why discussion is important (and silencing tactics so frustrating) because it can also serve as a 'reality-check', but in a good way? Like, so you know you're not imagining things or alone in your thoughts or should just accepting things the way they are or learn to take a joke just because those voices are loud and pervasive.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

Yes THIS. Thank you. The larger discussion (and I wish it wouldn't get bogged down by agent/writer concerns) really needs to happen about what's going on and what is hurtful and what we can do to strip away ablism from our culture.

Some people disagree with me, but it's nice to see that I am not alone in this. I think that helps the most, knowing that I wasn't the only one who felt a really hard kick in the gut when they saw that comment, who felt hurt by it.

[handyhunter.livejournal.com]

Right. And, at least within poc to poc discussions, I think if we are out of line or "over-reacting" or, unbelievably, have different opinions, that gets hashed out too -- but it's still a different sort of discussion when it's between members of the same group rather than stemming from a privileged vs non-privileged place. But then, if said discussion is out in the open, it gets twisted around by the privileged who don't understand the discussion or don't want to give up their privilege.

IDK. I just see it as... if I'm asking people to give up certain expressions, like "exotic" to describe POC (use it for fruit or animals, whatever, I don't care about that), then (because I have able-bodied privilege) if someone else wants me to give up using "crazy" or "lame" as a pejorative, I should at least listen to them.

[shweta-narayan.livejournal.com]

*hugs* then :)

I still get moments of, "Is it just me? Maybe I'm too sensitive?" when I see similar things said online and in real life.

Me too. Even while they're making me cringe, making me uncomfortable -- I guess because we're taught to discount the importance of our own experience? I am better at seeing how it matters if you are distressed, for example, than if I am.

I think perhaps what the less positive reactions are missing (or resisting) is that this comment was an unthinking part of a deeply, harmfully psychophobic and ablist culture. We keep running into this in all varieties of working for social consciousness -- people say "That's not [relevant bigotry]!!!" when they really mean "That's not more [relevant bigotry] than the cultural default!!!" -- missing, or denying, or refusing to acknowledge the fact that many of our cultural defaults are bigoted and harmful.

[fashionista-35.livejournal.com]

You...

Are a complete rock star. Very brave and very, very well done.

Also, very necessary. If individuals can't be held accountable for their words and actions, then we cede all too much power to them.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

If individuals can't be held accountable for their words and actions, then we cede all too much power to them.

Too true.

[lagringa.livejournal.com]

I've been prescribed both Xanax and antidepressants at points in my life, too. I was hospitalized for depression for weeks when I was a kid. I don't feel the need to apologize for writing that comment, nor do I see having to be on a psychotropic drug - or suggesting that someone else might be better off on one - as a stigma of any sort.

And I wasn't teasing.

The particular commenter I was replying to has a history of making histrionic remarks aimed at me in particular and - at times - several quite personal attacks. I don't know why she follows me from blog to blog doing that, but she does, and she seems unbalanced. So, yes, this person probably would benefit from being medicated.

And frankly, I've had enough of people who don't know me telling me how I should respond to ignorant people online.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

nor do I see having to be on a psychotropic drug - or suggesting that someone else might be better off on one - as a stigma of any sort.

I find myself both bewildered and saddened by your reply, Colleen. Suggesting someone might benefit from a psychotropic drug when they have a diagnosed illness is one thing.

Telling someone to "take a Xanax and chill" when you're fed up with their online behavior is a whole other. You're equating someone's rude words and actions online with a mental illness. In essence saying, "If you do these things, you're obviously mentally unwell." It's just another shade of "wow, she must be off her meds" or "you should take some 'crazy pills' and get over it" and that really is a stigma.

That comments and other comments like it by other people reinforces in a lot of people's minds that people with mental disorders or who take psychotropic drugs are obviously whiny and weak and just making things up and starting drama to start drama - that they're not suffering from a disorder or a disease, but rather that they're really just attention-seekers and fakers.

And if you were hoping for her to seek psychiatric help, if you were truly concerned that you might be dealing with a mentally ill person - why that particular remark? I'm not sure how you can anticipate someone seriously considering seeking out psychiatric treatment after being told to: "take a Xanax and chill".

Furthermore, I don't know the history between you and this other person. I'm extremely sorry to hear that they're being rude and making personal attacks on you. That obviously is NOT okay and they should not be doing such things. But why can't this person just be rude or a a jerk? Why must it automatically become the domain of a mental illness for them to behave this way?

This isn't about telling you how you should respond to "ignorant people online". Obviously, you're free to say what you want. This is about telling you that a remark you made was very hurtful and reinforced prejudices that people deal with on a daily basis, prejudices that affect their personal and professional lives.

What you do with that is, obviously, up to you.

[lagringa.livejournal.com]

What I said above was "I've had enough of people who don't know me telling me how I should respond to ignorant people online."

I should have said: "I'm fed up with people who feel that they have a right to dictate how I respond to ignorant people online."

Because you don't.

You are choosing to take it upon yourself to be offended on behalf of every person in the world who has a mental illness or who has found it necessary to rely upon psychoactive/psychotropic drugs. As one of those people - a woman who has dealt with and managed and who has been very open in discussing my own battle with chronic depression for nearly 30 years - let me just say this: Please don't ever feel that you have the right to speak for me. I'm damnd good at speaking up on my own behalf.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

I apologize if anything I said could be construe as an attempt to try to dictate anything to you. Obviously, the only person who can and should control what you say and do is you yourself.

My sole purpose in this open letter was to make you aware of the negative impact of your remark. What you do with that awareness is up to you. Please point me to what it is I've said that you feel is an attempt to dictate anything to you.

Furthermore, I sincerely hope you don't think that I'm speaking for you at all. I'm certainly not. I am, however, speaking for myself above all else, and for many friends and family that I've had who have struggled with this. And for people who were greatly offended by your remark but did not feel free to say anything.

[fashionista-35.livejournal.com]

I've never been on psychiatric medication or required that type of care and I was put off by the remark. It was irreverent in a not-funny way and clearly meant to convey that nothing wrong had been done. Maybe not, in the strictest of interpretations, but still, there were a lot of people who were stunned by the action that set off the entire kerfluffle and again, didn't feel comfortable speaking out because of concerns over what it might do to them publicly. And seeing as there are Twitter feeds leading back to this conversation that are sparked by Ms. Lindsay, I can't say I blame them for their concerns. T

Classic bullying techniques.

[lagringa.livejournal.com]

An action that was the result of a (still existing) flaw in LiveJournal's security, and NOT a result of what the commenter chose to interpret as my "hacking into a private LiveJournal". Which was an idiotic thing to say because it shows that she clearly hadn't actually read the previous comment.

Again, not my problem.

[fashionista-35.livejournal.com]

What you initially said was misleading. You made it sound as if it didn't matter whether or not a Live Journal post was locked from the outset, because Google Reader would pick it up regardless.

How you chose to respond to the individual who questioned your decision to reject a manuscript based on what you learned in that Live Journal post that was ultimately locked, was in my opinion, shockingly rude. (Especially with no prior knowledge of whatever history the two of you had-- it just appeared to come out of left field.)

Look, obviously, it's your prerogative to conduct business any way you see fit. You want to reject someone based on a Live Journal post, who's going to stop you? By the same token, however, others are allowed to be appalled by those same business practices and should feel free to express their opinions without feeling as if they're gong to be mocked or berated.

For new/aspiring authors, it's absolutely imperative that they learn it's not necessary for them to behave as the humble supplicant in order to obtain representation or a book deal. That they should just sit down, shut up, and write until needed. The road to becoming a published author is a professional partnership and it behooves everyone involved to treat it as such.

[inverarity.livejournal.com]

"Professional partnership" implies acting professionally, doesn't it?

It sounds like you're saying no one should ever have their intemperate words held against them, and it's "bullying" for an agent to point out that yes, if you act like a jerk on the Internet, a lot of people will not want to work with you.

[fashionista-35.livejournal.com]

I'm saying it works both ways.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

If it helps, I actually don't think fashionista_35 was saying that the bullying was in reference to the original comment where Ms. Lindsay said she had turned down an author due to LJ posts - but to later Tweets made by Ms. Lindsay in reference to this entry.

While, yes, it's true that being careful of what one says on the internet is NEVER a bad idea, I don't think that it's very professional either to tell someone who is alarmed that you may have wrongly accessed private information to, "
Here's a Xanax and a glass of water. Chill, please." (her words).

I certainly don't think it's necessary to use that kind of hurtful and psychophobic language when, frankly, the person she was responding to had a legitimate concern. The first comment WAS unclear as to how Ms. Lindsay had been able to use Google Reader to view a locked LJ entry.

I don't know the history between her and that commenter at all. If that particular person has been harassing her, that's definitely terrible and it's wrong to stalk or harass people online, end of.

But that kind of language? Saying that particular phrase? That's not professional either. It was hurtful to a LOT of people. I think Ms. Lindsay has other venues for redress if she's being wrongly harassed online. She certainly could have notified the owner of the blog she commented in.

For the record, I agree totally with what fashionista_35 has said. Professionals can disagree and debate business practices within a field in a reasonable manner - but mocking and becoming overly aggressive with other people, and especially throwing around phrases that are psychophobic and hurtful are definitely not professional.

Which is a triple tragedy because Ms. Lindsay aside, agents I've come in contact with so far have been a really spectacular bunch of people who were decent, professional, intelligent, helpful, and just all around wonderful.

[lagringa.livejournal.com]

Which is a triple tragedy because Ms. Lindsay aside, agents I've come in contact with so far have been a really spectacular bunch of people who were decent, professional, intelligent, helpful, and just all around wonderful.

You seem to forget that I was the first one to reach out to you as a writer, read your manuscript, take you to lunch to discuss it and share two hours of my time with you on how to improve your writing and your book.

But I'm just a bully, I guess.

[(Anonymous)]

Of course you are a bully, Colleen! You spent time trying to help someone further their career. How dare you?

I totally get where Colleen was coming from with her comment. It has NOTHING to do with psychophobia and everything to do with telling someone to CALM THE F DOWN. Doctors often give Xanax the day before a procedure to help calm the patient–patients with NO psychological issues...

~Rachel Bateman (sorry for the anonymous post–they irritate me to no end–but I don't have a LJ account, nor the time to create one right now)

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

A question, then. If she merely meant to tell this person to calm down, why not say something like, "You're overreacting" or "this isn't something to get upset about" or a simple "calm down".

I'm fully aware Xanax is given to patients to calm them down outside of psychiatric therapy, but I'm not sure how that relates to this matter.

I don't understand what is defensible about having told someone to take a Xanax when a simple explanation and a "calm down" would have sufficed.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm posting as Anon only because I don't have a LiveJournal account. But I can't even believe what I"m reading here...

To be blunt, this is bullshit. This is a ridiculous attack against Colleen Lindsay. If you read the line 'take a Xanax and chill' and got offended enough to write a long ass blog about it, that is YOUR problem. Colleen clearly never meant the hurt and anger that you took from this. And since it seems to give insta-cred to you, I too have been prescribed before and I couldn't have been less offended by the comment. That doesn't give me a special right, neither does it you. It doesn't mean anything except that you've been prescribed. Handle it personally however you choose. Not everyone feels the same way about it that you do.

The 'chill' comment, if you really did follow it, was aimed to someone who accused Lindsay of 'breaking in' to private journals and spreading the news around like some sort of freak Harriet the Spy incident gone wrong. Uh...seriously?? That person...needed to chill. And however the hell Colleen wanted to imply that was HER right.

I really can't even believe that this post exists...how about being oh-so-profeshunalz and realize that Lindsay's words were her own. She meant them how she meant them. Anyone taking it any other way, well...again, that's their problem, isn't it? Doesn't exactly give the moral green light to trash someone in an OPEN freaking letter for no other reason other than 'ooh it hurt my feelings.' There are bigger and scarier things out there, people.

GEEZ!

-Amy Lukavics

[inverarity.livejournal.com]

I'm sure someone somewhere would find some way to interpret "calm down" as a silencing tactic deployed from a position of privilege.

Taking Xanax, as has been pointed out, is not exclusive to people with mental health issues. Therefore, "Take a Xanax" as another way to say "Calm down" or "Chill out" is not implicitly "psychophobic." It was a bit snarky, but I think taking it upon yourself to be offended on behalf of everyone who's ever taken or possibly needed medication (including the OP) really does fall under the category of "Looking for offense where none was offered."

I think of all the mountains you could have chosen to die on, this was a poor choice.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

I think of all the mountains you could have chosen to die on, this was a poor choice.

I'm not sure how this is a mountain that I'm dying on. Sure, it's an internet conversation that's causing some small amount of controversy, but I hardly see it as any kind of death.

"Looking for offense where none was offered."

Just because someone doesn't offer offense does not mean they do not cause it. It's like saying it doesn't hurt if you're shot accidentally. I'm very sure Ms. Lindsay was not purposely trying to offend anyone, but she did. I said something about it.

If that means that other agents and perhaps editors decide they don't want to work with me, that is their decision. If they believe this makes me unfit to work with, it is probably better for all parties.

I do not regret having stood up and said this, because I've seen far too much psychophobia and ablism floating around the internet in the form of throw-away remarks and snarky retorts that apparently, you're not allowed to be offended by because "they didn't mean it".

Intention is never as important as result.

[inverarity.livejournal.com]

I know that intent has nothing to do with whether or not someone is offended. I'm saying that it is not necessarily true that because someone is offended, the "offender" did something wrong.

I'm not unsympathetic to your basic premise, I'm not one of those people who casually dismisses "PC" talk, but I really do think you are being unreasonable here.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

If you think I've been unreasonable here, then I'm probably not going to change your mind with anything I say after this point. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and opinions with me.

[(Anonymous)]

I am a lurker & I wish to support you in e-mail.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

Me or invararity68? Didn't realize my LJ had lurkers.

[(Anonymous)]

lol. Not you, crazypants. invararity68.

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

So you thought that coming here and being a complete Rudy McRuderson in my journal would work instead of leaving a direct message for her like a reasonable person would have?

Never mind how you intend to lurk and "support her in email" by leaving comments here instead of in her own LJ.

And niiiiiice with the "crazypants". It makes your intelligence oh so obvious. I suppose this is the part where I'm supposed to cry and feel wounded to my mortal soul or something? Oh noes! A random, anonymous person on the internet was mean to me, my life is in ruins!

And your bravery at going anonymous is commendable as well. I salute you for it. I can see it must have been a terrifying ordeal for you to leave unsigned comments in someone else's LJ. I can only hope one day that I, too, can summon up the courage to troll other people's spaces instead of leaving signed comments with my name the way I usually do.

[handyhunter.livejournal.com]

I'm sure someone somewhere would find some way to interpret "calm down" as a silencing tactic deployed from a position of privilege.

If it's coming from a privileged person to a non-privileged person and used as an attempt to stop discussion, how is it anything but a silencing tactic?

Furthermore, the privileged are the ones who decide what is considered "polite" or "jerkish" behavior. Pointing out someone's use of problematic language is often seen as incredibly "rude", "unprofessional" or even "vitriolic" (no matter how tactfully its worded), while the problematic language itself is not deemed a problem.

"Looking for offense where none was offered."

Yeah. Says the privileged. It couldn't possibly be that due to one's privilege, certain matters don't affect on the same way or at all, the way it does the not-privileged, therefore it's harder to understand their perspective, not that they're wrong to be upset.

Apologies

[(Anonymous)]

Hi there,

I was trying to comment on your ebook post, and saw I'd been banned from you LJ. Which is your right, so I'm not complaining or asking you to unban me. However, I looked back at the one disagreement we had which I thought might have caused it, to see if I'd been harsher than I intended, and I saw the "lurker" who called you "crazypants." I hope you didn't ban me because of that person -- I have no idea who that was, and I assure you, I don't agree with or approve of his/her sentiments, nor have I done anything to try to draw trolls to your LJ. (I've never even mentioned you anywhere else.)

Regards,

Inverarity

Re: Apologies

[fiction-theory.livejournal.com]

Actually, I'm not sure why it's saying you're banned, because it doesn't show that on the banned/unbanned panel thing that I have. If you keep getting that error, let me know because I'll yell at LJ for having screwed up.

No need for apologies. You stated your position as respectfully as you could have, given the givens. Trust me, I got a LOT of uglier comments from it - both here and on Twitter. Apparently I'm an ungrateful bitch who should die in a fire. But what are you gonna do, huh? Two months later, It's actually kind of funny.

So lemme know if you have the same problem!