Query time!
Mar. 20th, 2009 11:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
megwritesSo, having finished the bulk of my task of making the Tower!Guy novel a book that I hold my head up high about even as I wait for the rejection letters, I've turned my hand to query letters.
And you can guess where this is going. I need help, because, well, I'm dumb. And even though I've read a lot, there's probably something stupid I'm doing. I know a lot of you out there on the f-list are smarter/more experienced/better/an agent/a published writer/better at queries/[insert reason you're more qualified than me].
So, beneath the cut
This is what, more or less, I'm going to be sending out to agents:
Meg Freeman
[Insert Address Line 1]
[Insert Address Line 2]
[Insert Email Address]
DearSecret Agent Man (yes, I will be using their actual names, because so far I do have names - double checked for correct spelling and gender because I hear that agents do not like Surprise Buttsex Sex Changes),
I am seeking representation for my 95,000 word fantasy novel, The Bonedevil, the first in a trilogy and [Insert reason why I think this agent is the right agent for this novel. Ie - I read on your website or blog that you want fantasy novels. This bit changes from agent to agent, depending on where and how I came by the information and etc, etc, etc].
The Bonedevil is the tale of Eiryn, an outcast woman abandoned by her mysterious, foreign, much maligned mother, who lives with her father in the village of Carrinav. After a fire kills the only person willing to hire her, Eiryn seeks work from the monstrous old man, known only as Bonedevil, living in a crumbling tower in the woods, the only remnant of the long destroyed Black City.
In this crumbling tower, Eiryn discovers that Bonedevil is not a monster, but the lone survivor of a terrible disaster who harbors many secrets, including the know that her mother, like him, is of a powerful race capable of great magic, magic she herself is heir to. As Bonedevil instructs her in this magic, a mysterious stranger named Sephon tries to court, woo and bribe her into revealing what she knows of Bonedevil, to further his treacherous plans.
Sephon has come to hunt Bonedevil and find something left behind in the crumbling tower to help him kill the great and powerful Black Queen. It is only then that Eiryn learns that the fate of the Black Queen is her own, because the Black Queen is the mother who left her behind, and the plans that Sephon harbors are only the beginning of a plot to change the very shape of an empire.
The Bonedevil is my first novel, though I have been the recipient of awards for short fiction from Union University and the University of North Florida. I am a graduate of the University of North Florida who is originally from Tennessee now living in NYC with my soon-to-be husband, a forensic scientist for the NYPD.
Thank you so much for your time, as I know it is limited. I have the complete manuscript available upon request. Please do not hesitate to contact me if there are any questions.
Sincerely,
Meg Freeman
My fears about this query are as follows:
1. The description of the plot is not complete, and feels so horribly inaccurate. Technically, it's not. Everything I say does happen in the book and basically in that order, but wow, it feels out of context and there are, like, a billion little details that I feel the need to explain.
2. My description of my novel sucks and will result in a catastrophic wave of Terrible Agent-y Narcolepsy and there will be reports of agents all over suddenly going unconscious and police will knock on my door, there'll be lawsuits, doctors will quit prescribing Ambien and just tell people to read this. I just feel like I'm not differentiating my novel from the pack, from the hordes of Important Epic Fantasy Novels that must surely be on the desks of the agents I'm going to query. It is different. I feel it's different, I feel like I haven't yet read a novel that is just like mine.
3. ETA: Edited out on some good advice. Email me or leave a comment if you need to see it again.
4. I feel like the writing is much better than my query, and for those agents who just want your one page (or whatever their length requirement is), I feel like if I could just show them a few pages up front, that might help. Might I say, thank god for those folks who ask for your first five pages, because I don't mind saying, with this novel? I did some of my best writing, IM*V*HO, in the prologue and the first few pages.
5. This book is the first in a planned trilogy. Not sure how to phrase that better or not to induce involuntary eye rolling (before I induce the narcolepsy). I have a pretty solid outline, but no definitive writing done on the second book ('cause uh, I'm not gonna knock myself out writing a second and a third if there isn't anyone on Earth who wants hide nor hair of the first).
6. What if I do everything right, but get rejected because the market is bad and nobody's buying? I'd rather be rejected on lack of merit in the story than that, because I can improve my craft. I can revise, rewrite, rethink. I can improve myself. I can go back to the drawing board. I can't improve external forces. I just want hope that good writing still counts for something, because I tried my damndest with this novel. I really did. I want that to mean something. Maybe it's naive of me and unrealistic, but there it is.
ETA 2: Should I mention my LJ in my query? Probably not relevant, but I dunno, maybe it would help? Not that I think an agent would have time or inclination to visit, but I do think that it might display...I dunno, web savvyness or something? Your thoughts on the matter would be nice.
The floor is open to anyone, and I mean anyone with an opinion or advice or anything that might be remotely helpful. I am wide open and willing to learn and listen.
And you can guess where this is going. I need help, because, well, I'm dumb. And even though I've read a lot, there's probably something stupid I'm doing. I know a lot of you out there on the f-list are smarter/more experienced/better/an agent/a published writer/better at queries/[insert reason you're more qualified than me].
So, beneath the cut
This is what, more or less, I'm going to be sending out to agents:
Meg Freeman
[Insert Address Line 1]
[Insert Address Line 2]
[Insert Email Address]
Dear
I am seeking representation for my 95,000 word fantasy novel, The Bonedevil, the first in a trilogy and [Insert reason why I think this agent is the right agent for this novel. Ie - I read on your website or blog that you want fantasy novels. This bit changes from agent to agent, depending on where and how I came by the information and etc, etc, etc].
The Bonedevil is the tale of Eiryn, an outcast woman abandoned by her mysterious, foreign, much maligned mother, who lives with her father in the village of Carrinav. After a fire kills the only person willing to hire her, Eiryn seeks work from the monstrous old man, known only as Bonedevil, living in a crumbling tower in the woods, the only remnant of the long destroyed Black City.
In this crumbling tower, Eiryn discovers that Bonedevil is not a monster, but the lone survivor of a terrible disaster who harbors many secrets, including the know that her mother, like him, is of a powerful race capable of great magic, magic she herself is heir to. As Bonedevil instructs her in this magic, a mysterious stranger named Sephon tries to court, woo and bribe her into revealing what she knows of Bonedevil, to further his treacherous plans.
Sephon has come to hunt Bonedevil and find something left behind in the crumbling tower to help him kill the great and powerful Black Queen. It is only then that Eiryn learns that the fate of the Black Queen is her own, because the Black Queen is the mother who left her behind, and the plans that Sephon harbors are only the beginning of a plot to change the very shape of an empire.
The Bonedevil is my first novel, though I have been the recipient of awards for short fiction from Union University and the University of North Florida. I am a graduate of the University of North Florida who is originally from Tennessee now living in NYC with my soon-to-be husband, a forensic scientist for the NYPD.
Thank you so much for your time, as I know it is limited. I have the complete manuscript available upon request. Please do not hesitate to contact me if there are any questions.
Sincerely,
Meg Freeman
My fears about this query are as follows:
1. The description of the plot is not complete, and feels so horribly inaccurate. Technically, it's not. Everything I say does happen in the book and basically in that order, but wow, it feels out of context and there are, like, a billion little details that I feel the need to explain.
2. My description of my novel sucks and will result in a catastrophic wave of Terrible Agent-y Narcolepsy and there will be reports of agents all over suddenly going unconscious and police will knock on my door, there'll be lawsuits, doctors will quit prescribing Ambien and just tell people to read this. I just feel like I'm not differentiating my novel from the pack, from the hordes of Important Epic Fantasy Novels that must surely be on the desks of the agents I'm going to query. It is different. I feel it's different, I feel like I haven't yet read a novel that is just like mine.
3. ETA: Edited out on some good advice. Email me or leave a comment if you need to see it again.
4. I feel like the writing is much better than my query, and for those agents who just want your one page (or whatever their length requirement is), I feel like if I could just show them a few pages up front, that might help. Might I say, thank god for those folks who ask for your first five pages, because I don't mind saying, with this novel? I did some of my best writing, IM*V*HO, in the prologue and the first few pages.
5. This book is the first in a planned trilogy. Not sure how to phrase that better or not to induce involuntary eye rolling (before I induce the narcolepsy). I have a pretty solid outline, but no definitive writing done on the second book ('cause uh, I'm not gonna knock myself out writing a second and a third if there isn't anyone on Earth who wants hide nor hair of the first).
6. What if I do everything right, but get rejected because the market is bad and nobody's buying? I'd rather be rejected on lack of merit in the story than that, because I can improve my craft. I can revise, rewrite, rethink. I can improve myself. I can go back to the drawing board. I can't improve external forces. I just want hope that good writing still counts for something, because I tried my damndest with this novel. I really did. I want that to mean something. Maybe it's naive of me and unrealistic, but there it is.
ETA 2: Should I mention my LJ in my query? Probably not relevant, but I dunno, maybe it would help? Not that I think an agent would have time or inclination to visit, but I do think that it might display...I dunno, web savvyness or something? Your thoughts on the matter would be nice.
The floor is open to anyone, and I mean anyone with an opinion or advice or anything that might be remotely helpful. I am wide open and willing to learn and listen.
no subject
Date: 2009-03-20 11:53 pm (UTC)Customizing
Date: 2009-03-21 12:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-03-21 12:13 am (UTC)Six of one, half dozen of the other on leaving out the credentials or not. It all adds up to the same thing, which is that you are for all intents and purposes a new writer in the eyes of the publishing world, yes?
part one
Date: 2009-03-20 11:50 pm (UTC)Some thoughts:
The first paragraph is good and to the point. I'm not sure about mentioning it's a trilogy, at least not upfront. Your first book does more or less work on its own, and the agent will want to concentrate on that one first. I'd say later on in the letter you can mention that this is your first novel and you're working on a sequel (or planning it or whatever). That should cover it. You don't want to scare anyone off with the first line. Also, I sometimes moved this first paragraph a few paragraphs down, after the plot summary, so you can grab the agent's attention right away. Of course you're seeking representation, that's why you're querying them. I decided the placement based on the agent's guidelines and interviews, etc.
The Bonedevil is the tale of Eiryn, an outcast woman abandoned by her mysterious, foreign, much maligned mother, who lives with her father in the village of Carrinav. After a fire kills the only person willing to hire her, Eiryn seeks work from the monstrous old man, known only as Bonedevil, living in a crumbling tower in the woods, the only remnant of the long destroyed Black City.
The last line of this is great, but the rest is throwing me off, particularly "an outcast woman abandoned by her mysterious, foreign, much maligned mother". It doesn't flow, and just seems awkward. If she is an outcast, why is she living in the village?
Similarly, "After a fire kills the only person willing to hire her" isn't doing as much work as it could. Be very specific and make it compelling. I'm thinking something along the lines of:
"Eiryn grew up in the village of Carrinav hearing frightening rumors about the Bonedevil, a monstrous old man living in a tower in the woods--the only remnant of the ancient Black City. After a fire kills the closest thing she has to a mother--and the only villager willing to employ her--Eiryn must leave her home and the father who raised her to seek work at the Bonedevil's tower."
In this crumbling tower, Eiryn discovers that Bonedevil is not a monster, but the lone survivor of a terrible disaster who harbors many secrets, including the know that her mother, like him, is of a powerful race capable of great magic, magic she herself is heir to. As Bonedevil instructs her in this magic, a mysterious stranger named Sephon tries to court, woo and bribe her into revealing what she knows of Bonedevil, to further his treacherous plans.
Sephon has come to hunt Bonedevil and find something left behind in the crumbling tower to help him kill the great and powerful Black Queen. It is only then that Eiryn learns that the fate of the Black Queen is her own, because the Black Queen is the mother who left her behind, and the plans that Sephon harbors are only the beginning of a plot to change the very shape of an empire.
This is pretty good. I would combine the two into one paragraph to keep the letter short. Again, this needs to be tighter:
In this crumbling tower,Eiryn discovers that Bonedevil is not a monster, but the lone survivor of a terrible disaster. Heharbors many secrets, including the know that her mother, like him,tells her he is of a powerful race capable of great magic, magic she herself is heir to--as was the mother who abandoned her. As Bonedevilinstructs her in this magic,teached her about the magic and her heritage, a mysterious stranger named Sephontries to court, woo and bribe her into revealing what she knows of Bonedevil, to further his treacherous plans. Sephon has comearrives to hunt Bonedevil and findsomething left behind in the crumbling tower to help him kill the great and powerfulthe power to kill his Black Queen. Eiryn is forced to help Sephon, only toIt is only then that Eirynlearn that the fate of the Black Queen is her own;, because the Black Queen is the mother who left her behind, and the plans that Sephon harbors are only the beginning of a plot to change the very shape of an empire.part two
Date: 2009-03-20 11:50 pm (UTC)The Bonedevil is my first novel, though I have been the recipient of awards for short fiction from Union University and the University of North Florida. I am a graduate of the University of North Florida who is originally from Tennessee now living in NYC with my soon-to-be husband, a forensic scientist for the NYPD.
Actually, you don't need to mention this is your first novel. Keep the mention of awards, but trim the personal details that don't relate to your novel or writing specifically.
Thank you so much for your time, as I know it is limited. I have the complete manuscript available upon request. Please do not hesitate to contact me if there are any questions.
Cut "as I know it is limited" and that last sentence could just be "I look forward to hearing from you." They won't have any questions--just a request for more or a rejection! Hopefully the former.
1. Yes. But don't worry about that. You want to give enough details to show the book has a story, both a plot and a character arc. You can give more details in the synopsis, which is even harder to write, believe it or not.
2. Once you start getting responses, you'll know if you need to rework the query letter, if you don't get any requests for more materials.
3. Missed it
4. Everything I've seen suggests that agents can tell whether you're a good writer from your query letter, which is why it's not a good idea to have someone else write it for you. I actually felt the opposite--I was sure my novel sounded better than it is, and people would be disappointed when they got my pages, though I did think the first three chapters were particularly strong if only they would look at them!
5. See my comments above
6. People are buying, but they're definitely getting pickier. If the market isn't right for this novel right now, you can always try again later. You did your best with this one and it shows--it's really good. But there are so many factors that aren't up to us. All you can do is write and submit, and write something else, and keep trying.
If you have a website you can mention it, and you probably should have a website. I don't think they'll care about your blog unless you have a solid number of people following it.
I hope I haven't been harsh with my comments! I think you're off to a good start and on the right track. I can send you my query letter if you think that'll help. Just as an FYI, I think I sent out 33 queries over the course of 6 months before getting an agent, so this is a long process. Stick with it!
Re: part one
Date: 2009-03-21 12:20 am (UTC)